Making Decisions

Hey,

So the last time I blogged I was trying to decide between law school and grad school. Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I wanted to do something big with my life. However, I never knew what that something big would be. I couldn't sing, didn't want to dance, didn't think I was capable of composing a great symphony and lacked the attention span to actually write a book. However, I could argue my butt off and think logically about a situation. 

So, it's no surprise that I've made the decision to go to law school. I know it'll be a challenge, but it's something I'm up for. And I'm 100% convinced it's the right decision for me, even though there are so many lawyers or soon-to-be lawyers running around these days. I know I'll shine, and I know I'll excel at whatever part of law I choose to practice. 

Now that it is over and done, I'm looking forward to the challenge of applying to law school, waiting to find out which school will accept me and what sweatshirt I will proudly wear as I head from class to class, and what school will make me invest in a pair of reading glasses. (I've had LASIK, but I know future lawyers do a lot of reading).

A.

Dreaming in Technicolor/Choices

Hey Everyone,

So they say people don't dream in technicolor, but just in black and white. I say that even if that's true, since all my recollections of dreams are in color and are vivid, I've decided to use that idea to create a philosophy for life. It is to dream in technicolor, to do the impossible and to force yourself to step it up to the next level. 

With that in mind, I have a big decision ahead of me. Massively huge, and one that I cannot come into lightly. The decision is, whether to pursue graduate school overseas for a year, or to go to law school. I say this is a massively huge decision, mainly because I have always wanted to go overseas to study, and study pretty much anything! But, part of me has always wanted to go to law school as well. I'm emotionally conflicted, due to my own desires and it's hard. 

I also have a lot of stressful things going on, trying to prepare for graduate or law school, maintain a high GPA so I can graduate magna cum laude like I have always dreamed, and with Honors Recognition. So, I have to get A's all across the board in the Fall and Spring. In order to do that, I have to cut back on my involvement in some of my other activities, like my chaotic love life. LOL.

Speaking of my love life, I'm content being single for once. I know what I want and need, and I'm prepared to wait and sacrifice other things for it. However, I am convinced I will not find anyone worth making a commitment to until I get to the graduate program, whether it be law school or graduate school, of my choice. 

Love is crazy, and the feeling of being in love is just as vital. Without it, how can someone be as excited about getting cute, doing the hair, waxing your neither regions, etc...knowing that a potential date or crush object will see you, versus just doing it for yourself. I have decided to turn that desire to be in love into a strong self-love relationship with myself. So, in keeping with that, I will take myself out on "dates", doing things that I love. Even when I am in a relationship, I've always done things for me by myself, BUT this is different. 

I first discovered these self-dates when my mother was having a rather large party at my house. I have to get you to understand that my mother is like Martha Stewart on crack. She's big on cooking, entertaining..whereas I'm not. I see my home as my place of escape from people...and inviting the very people I wish to escape from into it is like traveling to the depths of hell. I'm just more private, I guess. Maybe that's only child syndrome, I don't know. However, when she decided to throw this party, I made the decision to pack up my cat and leave the night before and hang out all day and come home the next night after her party was over.

So, I pack my cat up and drive to this pet-friendly hotel in the South Suburbs of Chicago. There, both my cat and I slept and ate food that was totally indulgent...I think he had a kitty version of Chicken Kiev and I ate a full three course meal, garlic risotto with chanterelle mushrooms, a rosemary pesto cream linguini with shrimp and an apple tart with french vanilla ice cream for desert. Yes, I love food. No, I'm not overweight. No, I don't eat like that all the time. That morning, when I was able to move again from stuffing my face, I worked out for about two hours, and then I swam in the hotel pool. Afterwards, I met a very strange man who tried to hit on me. Then, I got the cat and took him to the daycare, (yes, daycare for cats exists) and went to buy a new piece of software for my laptop, and then hit up a sushi and sashimi bar for lunch with two of my homegirls from Georgetown (GO HOYAS!) and then we went to get our nails and hair done. Afterwards, we stopped at a bachelorette party for one of their sister's, where I had stripper penis in my face for about an hour and a half. I wasn't the most comfortable with that though. LOL. Private penis dances are one thing to enjoy, but with a group of women all acting like they never even saw one before....notsomuch.

Yes, this date happened to be extravagant, and I don't recommend each self-date be as elaborate, by no means am I recommending people spend all their cash on themselves..but make it a point to do something for you and you alone. Whether it's going to get a manicure or a massage or going to see a movie or just buying a pair of pants or taking a drive somewhere (if you can afford the gas), just doing something that you love to get time with yourself, it will be great. You will feel better about yourself, you can de-stress, you can get to know yourself and enjoy who you are. 

Since it's summer, I plan on spending a lot of time tanning and being more active outside, clearing my head and focusing on the law school vs. grad school decision. I will be blogging, and writing more love, romance and sex advice. So hit me up with questions. I'll do my best to answer everything.

*Ashley Robin*

Summer, Summer, SummerTime! (And the Need for Summer Love)

Hey,

I look at the date and realize it is almost the end of May, which means one thing.. (drumroll) SUMMERTIME! And with the onset of summer, come the sandals, sarongs and swimsuits but also that of the Summer Love. It's on people's minds..ask Justin Timberlake, who even wrote a song about it. People look, feel and are sexier in the summer, mainly because of the lack of clothes. Im not sure what it is, really. I can remember hanging out with the fellas growing up, and watching them play "who can get the most numbers in an hour" game. I'd laugh (to myself, of course) because I knew that most of those girls weren't getting calls, and if they did, it was nothing serious. 

However, as we get older, I wonder...are those kind of games still being played? Except instead of the number, it's a one-night stand or a one-date stand. I'm always cautious of relationships formed in the summer, mainly because more people feel that they need a date to all the barbeques, picnics, beach outings, etc that happen during the summer. Also, since all these events happen, relationships are easier to maintain, because there is a lower expectation to 'go all out' to spend quality time together. But the heat also makes for more passion, not just in lovemaking and all the foreplay attached, but also in the relationship. Some say that because all this passion exists in such a short time, summer relationships tend to end when the season is over..burnt out, and requiring former lovers to heal and re-energize themselves over the fall and winter seasons, just to start the whole cycle over again that next summer. 

Thoughts?

Lately...

Okay, so I know my blog isn't as popular as some others. It's not my goal to be the most popular blogger on the internet. However, I do find it surprising so many people read my blog, but don't comment. It's like tasting the food, and NOT complimenting or complaining to the chef. Sigh.

So, I've always been the person that people around me have gone to for relationship advice. Maybe it's because my own relationship history has been colored with different types of people from different backgrounds, or that I can relate to people all across the board. It baffles me that I can give advice to others but cannot take it myself. So, I complained to the one person that I know 'gets' me...my mom. She, in turn, told me the one thing that I needed to hear. "Before you make the journey to finding someone, you need to make sure that you have found yourself. Have you done that?" I had to come to the realization that I hadn't. Not in the sense that I was going for what I wanted, but more so what people wanted me to want. I went after guys who looked like, acted like and seemed to be the kinds of men that made me look good, that my friends could desire for themselves (not my guy specifically, but a guy LIKE mine), but not what I wanted. However, that is no longer the case.

I'm going to take my own advice and look outside my box. Forget the previous 'standards' and find someone who takes my breath away. Truly, madly and deeply. Meanwhile, I'll keep posting my tips on dating, sex and relationships. Someone should be able to use them! LOL...

Much love

(GO OBAMA!)

It's Been a Long Time

Hello-

I haven't posted in a while, and thats kind of my bad. I had a serious nightmare with Apple Tech Support, also known as "AppleCare". I took it to the Apple Store on Michigan Avenue because the lid was seriously warped. I didn't take a picture of it like some people have, but I did not ever drop, knock or even scratch up this thing. After being told that the service was my fault due to some "damage on my part", I was told the repair would cost 646.89 to fix, and that I'd lost my AppleCare Extended Service Plan. So...I take my "defective" computer and go home. After calling AppleCare on the phone, they tell me that they are going to send me a box, and I'd send my computer to them in it, and they'd fix it...no problem, since this defect has been an issue. I get the box, wait for my semester to end, and I send them my lovely MacBook Pro. Somehow, they lost my laptop, TWICE, and after me cussing them out, and getting nowhere, I finally was able to find my computer...and it was in TEXAS. Now, I'm not shocked it was in Texas, even though it was supposed to be in Cleveland...but I am shocked with they start telling me the same mess that I was told at the Apple Store, that I am going to have to pay for the repair. I yell some more, and presto, I get my laptop fixed, for free. I was thanking my parents for their DNA...

My dad's also doing better. He just got on a new medication called Aricept, designed to slow down if not eradicate his symptoms so that he's more himself. If you didn't know, my father is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. The Aricept seems to allow him to have more 'good' days than bad, and he seems to be able to recall more information...even if it takes him a minute. I'm not hoping for a miracle cure, I know that Aricept does not stop the disease, but since he is in the beginning stages, I hope that it can at least lengthen the time it takes for the disease to totally dominate him. He also managed to become klutzy, this time tripping on the front steps and banging up his knee. My daddy was always a graceful man in his youth, it seems that his age is finally catching up to him. 

My grades came in, and I was surprised that I'd been able to stay the course, finishing out with a 3.0, doing the damn thing, and this next semester will be even better. Anyway, its late...gotta roll onto the Land of Nod.

Deuces!

Knock the Bullish Out

Hey

So, I got sick. Yeah, ordinarily, it's not a big deal, but I find myself sick and bored out of my mind. I'm not only stuck in the house, I've got nothing but old books, older movies and my silly ol' cat to keep me company. As a result, I have had a fair amount of time to think about things going on in my life. And I've decided I don't like the path of which most of the stuff is going...so that means, in simple words, it's time to Knock Out the Bullshit.

What does that mean exactly? Every year, usually around the first of the year, many people all over the world begin to put their lame-as "resolutions" into effect. Yours truly always resolves to cut the fat, eliminate people and relationships that are not good for me, because they simply suck in terms of my mental, physical and spiritual growth and health. However, I, like many people, suffer from a thing called "having good intentions but no real follow through". Simply speaking, I cannot actually take the steps required in order to make this plan a reality. Well, not this year. Why is this year different...you ask? Well, let's rehash.

In 2007, I had a record year of lows. I was broke (and I mean broke...like digging in the couch cushions for loose change to only remember you'd done that a few days before), fired for the first time, found out my dad had Alzheimer's and dementia, celebrated 15 years of losing someone very close to me, almost died twice, found out one of my best friends bout with cancer was eventually going to kill him, lost an uncle, a great-aunt, along with being dumped, rejected and brokenhearted. It was a rough year. In many ways, though, its full circle because I started last year off not feeling so well, and I start this year off sick. I hope this is not going to be a tradition, because it is a SUCKY one. ha.

So, I am more determined than ever to "knock the bullshit" out of my life and far far away from me. Things are going to be on my terms, I'm not going to try to please anyone but myself. The goal is to do well in school, study for the GMAT and LSAT, and maybe, just MAYBE find some sense of happiness. I'd settle for being content though, because happiness is overrated and short-lived. So, if you hear from me, hold your breath, because I may be telling you it is the last time we will talk. If you don't, well, you get the message.

Romancing the Sex

Hey all,

I'm not sure where I've been the last few days, weeks, months, years...but I was suddenly introduced to the idea of sex being a huge deal. I guess I always knew of people who believed it to be a massive thing, some sort of entity that they carry around with them, this idea of "massive sex". However, I do not share that philosophy. Not that I'm some random whore of a woman who sleeps with anyone I come into contact with, I just do not feel that sex can be held up to that high of an ideal. Because, like most ideal concepts, if they are held too high, they eventually shatter. Herein develops the theory of "real bad sex". I have had enough experience in the world to know that the longer you feign for something, desire it, dream of it, when 'it' happens...well, 'it' may not live up to the expectations you had. Like a good slice of New York pizza or chocolate ice cream when thought of too long, sex can become uninteresting, unimaginative and distasteful. 

So, imagine my surprise when I happened to come across an individual who feels sex is a pretty big deal. This individual, of more than average intellect, physical characteristics and wit, was able to tell me that each time they had sex it meant something to them, and it was indeed some sort of peak in a relationship. However, when I presented my idea that maybe sex is routine for some, and should not be the reason why so many women end up on "Snapped", why so many people go missing, why so many spouses end up dead or divorced...they were unable to explain why they felt this way, other than to say it was what they were taught as a child. Hmm...really?

Let's be honest. In ancient times, when sex was required in order to create more members in a society, it was not some special thing. Most men, who were deemed desirable in their physical traits in those days were told to have sex as often as possible in order to create desirable heirs to their name.  Only with the overpopulation of humans, the concept of love as well as marriage between two people lasting forever, did the idea of the physical representation of a union (sex) grow the emotional and "big deal" ideology that stands today. Also, with the addition of unwanted pregnancy, disease and feelings of lust disguised as love that can come as the result of an orgasm (male or female), sex has become more a "mental game" than a simple physical activity designed to create children, which, by the way, happens to feel good to both partners. I've thought about this while trying to build thoughts to discuss sex on the radio show, and I'm sure that not everyone will agree. However, I ask that they take the disease, the possible resulting children and even love out of the equation. The act of sex is not the "head game", but the dealing with the partner. Therefore, "Romancing the Sex" shouldn't happen. Leave the romance for later.

A.

Somethin' For Nothin'

So, I'm making my plans for the New Year. Everyone says that it's resolutions, that every new year allows us a chance to clean our slates and start anew..and while I'm no big believer in fresh starts, mainly because fresh starts don't exist, I'm owning up to my mistakes, and planning to make the best decisions in my life. Also, fresh starts don't really exist..especially in relationships. I say this because things never seem to want to be left alone. Sadly, we live in an insecure society. People feel that they must be judge against as well as judge other people. Were they better looking, better in bed, funnier, smarter, more interesting, charming, giving than I am? I'm sure at some point everyone has asked these questions, especially when dealing with matters of the heart and matters of intimacy. It's the questions that drive us. Well, my philosophy is to let sleeping dogs lie. Otherwise, leave the past alone. If it isn't affect you, what you currently do or plan to do, then it shouldn't matter. Sadly, I have yet to meet someone, especially a male that I'm attracted to. I thought that these issues would kind of be resolved, but, I just cant seem to find the combination of sexiness, maturity, sensuality, kindness, trust and devotion in a man. I keep looking though, and that brings me to my New Years 'resolution', to devote myself to myself...to find self-love first, and then find it in someone else. I wish I could relieve certain moments in the past over again, behave differently, but since it's not an option, I will be shaking the past moments, assumptions and bad advice off of my feet and going for what is best for me. Not the concept that is given four stars by Good Housekeeping magazine.

A.

Randomly Random Holiday Thoughts

I was up at the god-awful hour of 530am the night before New Years Eve, and I found out that Vanilla Ice aka Rob Van Winkle starred in a movie called "Cool as Ice" in 1991. The movie is like when you are driving down a highway and see a bad car accident, ambulances and all, and want to look away, but you can't. Eventually traffic slows down to a slow crawl because everyone is staring. Maybe it was the combination of just seeing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Part III, since I was in a 90's movie mood, but  it was pretty bad. The movie is about a guy, named Johnny, who is played by Vanilla Ice, who rides cross-country with his band. And yes, in a strange coincidence, he is a rapper. The movie even opens with Ice rapping in his usual flamboyant style...and the song's chorus (or hook) is sung by none other than the cell-phone tossing Naomi Campell, who appears in the opening. Johnny gets the bright idea to travel across country with his band mates, and along the way, meets Kathy (Kat) played by Kristin Minter, an honor student. She catches his eye, and he decides to stay in town long enough to get her attention. Meanwhile, the town is so supportive of Kathy excelling in school that a local news crew comes to interview her. In the interview, they talk to her father, who makes a lame attempt to cover his face. It is revealed later that her father was put into the Witness Protection Program and is found by the crooked cops looking for him, who just so happen to be watching the interview. At this point, Im laughing so hard that I can barely understand anything going on. Not only is this movie poorly acted, its storyline is predictable (Johnny must help Kat save her dad from the crooked cops who want to harm him while still managing to be cool and wear the flashiest pants ever designed), and the dialogue is terrible. An example:

Johnny goes to Kathy's house to see if she's home and possibly talk to her...instead of seeing her, he finds Kathy's mother, Ms. Winslow.

Johnny: Hey-yo, wasup ma'am? Ms. Winslow: Can I help you? Johnny: Yeah, I'm looking for Kat. Ms. Winslow: We don't have a cat. Johnny: Kathy, your daughter.

It's so bad, its good...well no actually, it sucks. I see movies like this and wonder, what Hollywood exec said, "Hey, let's greenlight a "hip-hop" remake of Rebel Without a Cause, and let's do it with Vanilla Ice! It'll bring in MILLIONS!" I hope it wasn't because V. Ice, his "down" nickname, said he was like the "James Dean of rap", and Rebel was Dean's most well-known movie. Cool as Ice was received so badly by critics that the director, David Kellogg, didn't work again for EIGHT years after this movie came out. He is now known for directing 1999's Inspector Gadget. Many reviewers said, and I agree, that the whole budget for the film must have been spent on V. Ice's wardrobe, since everyone else looks like they just kind of fell out of the second-hand clothes shop. Almost 20 years later, in Indiana, I bet James Dean is STILL rolling in his grave.

A.