I Always Knew that One Day, They'd Try to Bring Me Down

Hey,

So today, I am getting over being sick as a dog. My nose is red from sneezing too much, my head hurts and my throat aches and I'm exhausted from not really sleeping well. Anyway, I have found out that, yet again, I have a hater. I am never against having haters, simply because they motivate me to keep on my everyday hustle, but it always shocks me to find out who is doing the hating. This time, it is one of the people who I never thought would be so against me.

I'm not about to put them on blast, because that's trifling, especially when I have yet to figure out if or how I'd even let them know about themselves, BUT, I write about them because I need to address a trait in myself. I'm loyal. To my friends, my family as well as the people I care about. It's rare for me to go against someone, even if I hear they talk about me like I have a tail. (And that's pretty bad, to me.) BUT, if you talk ish about my mom, I will pretty much call my relationship with you dead and stinking. That's what this person did. They talked ish about my mom AND my dad, which kinda hurts. It stings something terrible since my dad's relationship with me is so complex.

I don't really talk about my dad much. Not to anyone, mainly because my relationship with my dad is so crazy that I barely understand it. First, he's gonna be 80 years old in January. Second, he's suffering from an aggressive form of rheumatoid arthritis, but more importantly, degenerative disease that affects his memory of the long and short term. He will eventually lose the battle with it, and not remember me, my mother or even the events that have occurred in his own life. Add in the fact that he and I are alike in that we are both stubborn, strong-willed and hard to read, as well as not the most tactful or considerate people and we make a pair. However, with my father's condition, and (assuming) the fact that he is aware of the issues that come with it, he has become softer. He has good days and bad, (more good than bad, for now) and his good ones are filled with love, with pride and with genuine kindness. His bad days are when he's the most disapproving, critical and judgmental. He is probably the one person, because he and I are alike in many ways, who can say the exact thing to make me upset. He knows it too, so when he is sad and hurting and wants me to feel the same way, he hurts me with his words. Despite all that, I can say that I do not doubt that my father loves me. In his own way, his occasional disdain for my life is also his silent approval. He has laughed with me, cried with me, and let me sit in his lap, even at 20 years of age.

My father is a sore subject for me, in relation to this person who is talking ish, mainly because they have not met him. They would not even know my father if he walked past them in the street...and yet, they are alluding that my father is the reason I have gotten certain things in my life. My father, who has had very little to do with the choices that I make, who has had his own health problems and other illnesses to deal with, and if he had any influence over me, would have chosen an entirely different set of rules, is now being accused by this person, this stranger, to have been behind a lot of my successes. Oh, how I wish I could say that. Unfortunately, being his child meant that I'd have to walk my own path, without his help or assistance...and yes, he could have assisted a lot. With money, with phone calls, with an email or two, my father could have shaped a different life for me as if it were no big deal. However, I walk my own path.

I realize now that some "friends" aren't friends at all. And if they certain that they truly are in life for good reasons, they are only pretending and may be pretending to themselves as well. Which is even sicker, in my opinion, and is a solid case for psychiatric treatment. I used to say in high school that true friends stab you in the front. A girl I know, who I was close to once and am not anymore, corrected me and said, "True friends don't stab you at all."

She's right.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin 

Why So Single?

Hey Everyone,

I'm a little hung over from celebrating Senator Barack Obama's first Presidential Debate. I'm one of the people who believe that he not only was able to articulate his strong points to the American people over Senator John McCain, but also that he was able to fully articulate the differences between himself and McCain in a courteous, witty and intelligent manner. However, that is not what this entry is about.

A friend of mine recently wrote a blog post entitled "Why Did I Stay Single?" In the entry, he's basically asking why, you guessed, he stayed single all these years. For all intent and purposes, he's a smart, funny, caring and a real sweetheart. However, he feels because he's not drop dead gorgeous, more focused on the diaspora than diamonds and is a bit of a professed nerd that he gets no love from the ladies. (For the whole thing, you can read it here.)

My friend's entry has me wondering about the love, or lack thereof that the average guy gets from the ladies. Not the handsome types or the rich types or even the "think they are rich" types, but the average guy working a regular wage job, a man who saves a good portion of his check, who drives a used car and is not one to blow his money on material things. How does he line up against a blinged-out, tricked out material based guy. Is it more important to be about something or to have something around your neck?

Well, the answer has to be in direct relation to the kind of girl you want to attract and possibly be with. Too many men I know are looking for beauty and no brain, for style and no substance. It is no surprise that plastic will attract plastic. My point is, find someone with a strong self-worth, who can say an intelligent word or two and not focus on looks. Hygiene, yes. Halle Berry curves, no. Maybe if men don't set themselves up for rejection or even just look for a "model chick", they'd be able to see the pleasure in dating a "real chick" who may not be as gorgeous, but have much more interesting things happening in her brain. 

*Real chicks are not ugly. Many in fact are beautiful but overlooked for all the plastic people. Also, not all attractive women are plastic. I am a prime example, along with many others that I know.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Why Do I Over Think the Smallest of Things?

So I started this blog with the idea that I'd share my most inner thoughts and try as little as I could to censor myself. However, along the way, I found that it be best that I not put people's names out there, as well as myself, for the sake of having some privacy just in case someone off the street walked up to me and started asking me about my postings. 

Weirdly though, that has happened, especially when I posted about my ex saving me from the hands of two would-be rapists. But I digress.

I've decided to just go back to my original plan and let things fall where they may. Who cares, life  is too short?! So, with that, I delve into my latest MisAdventure.

I am celibate. Yes, I said it, and no I'm not lying. A long time ago, back in my Washington DC days, I was okay with having sex outside of a relationship, and was okay with the idea of having more than one partner a year. Some people aren't, and considered that slutty, and I pretty much told them to go to hell. Literally and figuratively, I said it. I drank at parties, had a good time, always was at a party or going out on a date, and if I wanted to sleep with a guy, I did. I never had an issue with sex, did not consider myself to be conservative and enjoyed my lifestyle. Just as a side note, I've always believed in protection and safe sex, and have never had an STD.  Nor have I been in any situation where I found myself loathing my annual gynecologist visit, awkwardly waiting any test results. No shockers in that department. 

However, I wasn't sure I liked that person. She was a bit too unfocused on school, a bit too vivacious and liked to spend her nights drinking and partying, her mornings in the bed and drinking tea to calm down her headaches rather than go to class. But the grades never suffered. Both she and I knew that failure was unacceptable, and anything below a B was a problem. It was a strain being both her and me at the same time, because it was draining me physically, mentally and emotionally, so I decided to let the party girl go, and I have to admit, it was really hard to say goodbye to her. She was fun. But she was keeping me from achieving my goals. In letting her (the party girl) go, I embraced my inner nerd. 

But, in the process of letting the party girl go, in 2004, I decided to become celibate. Well, I broke that a few times when I was in relationships, but outside of those, I would not have sex. However, I didn't realize that abstaining from sex would be so difficult. Not for me, but for those around me. Men who I knew as friends revealed their desire to sleep with me, men I dated wanted to sleep with me, women I knew didn't believe I actually was celibate, my celibacy made them feel like whores, and I was cursed out,  along with their opinion of me going downhill, mainly because they figured I was lying about it or they chose to push me down to feel better about themselves Who knows? But I know that I have no reason to lie about having sex, about my lack of a sex life, especially to anyone else. I don't need that much praise from anyone. I've thought often about breaking the celibacy vow just because of the drama that having it entails. I even got close to doing it. Then I realized that I'd be breaking the vow to appease others, and I realized that was wrong. Plus, the guy was a dick. So, I am happy to say that I did not go through with it. 

My over-thinking comes with the fact that I am stressing over this decision to be celibate. I'm not going to be such forever, just until I get the right feeling about the right guy, whether that be on the wedding altar or on the seventh date. I don't know why I think so much about it, but I do. It seriously keeps me up nights. I had a dream that some guy was trying to deflower me, and I woke up in a cold sweat. So why am I over thinking this? Is it because I feel like I'm not sure in my decision? Or just that I'm second guessing it because I made the promise/vow for the wrong reason, just to prove to myself that I could?

(To purchase the "Embrace Celibacy" tank pictured above, click here.)

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Lately...

Okay, so I know my blog isn't as popular as some others. It's not my goal to be the most popular blogger on the internet. However, I do find it surprising so many people read my blog, but don't comment. It's like tasting the food, and NOT complimenting or complaining to the chef. Sigh.

So, I've always been the person that people around me have gone to for relationship advice. Maybe it's because my own relationship history has been colored with different types of people from different backgrounds, or that I can relate to people all across the board. It baffles me that I can give advice to others but cannot take it myself. So, I complained to the one person that I know 'gets' me...my mom. She, in turn, told me the one thing that I needed to hear. "Before you make the journey to finding someone, you need to make sure that you have found yourself. Have you done that?" I had to come to the realization that I hadn't. Not in the sense that I was going for what I wanted, but more so what people wanted me to want. I went after guys who looked like, acted like and seemed to be the kinds of men that made me look good, that my friends could desire for themselves (not my guy specifically, but a guy LIKE mine), but not what I wanted. However, that is no longer the case.

I'm going to take my own advice and look outside my box. Forget the previous 'standards' and find someone who takes my breath away. Truly, madly and deeply. Meanwhile, I'll keep posting my tips on dating, sex and relationships. Someone should be able to use them! LOL...

Much love

(GO OBAMA!)