Morsels: It's All for the P***y!

Hey,

So, for some strange reason, I'm always asked about sex and relationships. I don't know why, but my friends and even people I don't know well, seem to gravitate towards me for advice and counsel in their love lives. It baffles me even to this day, because I'm perpetually single and tend to be less lucky in love then they are. Anyway, I tend to be honest and realistic in my advice. In so, I have set up four couples. Three of them are married, one is engaged, and the three marriages have all resulted in children. Part of me wants to open a matchmaking service, but I will hold off on that idea for a little while. In respect to that, I've decided to blog more about the things I get asked about, things I'll call Morsels.

With that, I give today's morsel to women. Most men out here are dogs. I'd say 80-85% of men out here are simply used to getting what they want. Now, I'm sure I'll hear from men who say they aren't, and therefore, they can find solace in being in that 15-20% range that are. Even though some of them may be lying to us, and themselves. But anyway, most of the dating game is not at all about dating. It's all for the p***y. Either the pursuit of it, the obtaining of it OR the ability to keep on getting it. And, I know, to be honest, if I were a guy I'd be chasing it too, but let's be real. Nothing really great comes easily. So ladies, instead of wondering why a man doesn't call you after you have sex or wonder if something is wrong with you because all the men you have sex with disappear, why not make it harder to obtain? 

Realize that because you are a woman, and you have p***y, you have a good deal of control. Not all, but a good deal of it. Most women fail to see this, and find themselves hurt more often than happy. And bottom line, we all want to be happy, right? So, I'm not saying subject yourself to any games or deceit, but I simply say, demand more of the guy you are interested in. I could blog forever about the power struggles of dating, but that's later.

The next blog: My Advice on Getting a Mate and Keeping Them Interested (Men and Women)

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Living a Life that is Stress-Free

Hey,

For the first time in a long time, my life has been relatively stress-free. It's a weird feeling to not have any drama, conflict or issue going on. All of my MisAdventures are relatively easily solved. I ended my cycle relationship with my ex-boyfriend, and things between us have been excellent. We've always been close no matter what, and probably will continue to be.

Last night, a mutual friend of ours got engaged. We all knew he was going to propose, and he wanted to ask her to marry him in front of all his and her friends. So, we headed to dinner at this really nice place out in the Schaumburg area, and because we hadn't told this group of friends we had broken up, we decided to just wait until after Rodney proposed. We both agreed that this night was Rodney and Amber's night, and our news would just take away from it. Anyway, he picked me up and off we went, just talking about things. 

We got to the dinner, and did our best "couple" behavior with all of our coupled friends, sitting by each other, and even laughing and joking. When Rodney proposed, all of the men took the hands of their dates, and my ex took my hand, just like the rest of them. When all the women giggled and grinned at Amber's engagement ring, so did I. But even though the behavior matched, there was something missing. It was if by lying to them, we were lying to each other, and the longer the lie went on, the longer we both realized that it would end, and we would go back to being just two people. 

It's hard ending a long relationship like that, going from being a fixture in social settings to just going back to being regular folk. Rodney told my ex and I at the dinner that part of the reason that he proposed was because he had watched us together, and realized because of us, he realized he was in love with Amber and didn't want to spend a moment without her. I was more than happy to hear that, but also sad because we couldn't last. It's interesting, to mourn the loss of a relationship. Like an old friend, it changes just as you do, grows as you grow, and adapts with you. The other person in the relationship is just like you, learning, changing and growing...and it seems as if they should serve as your parallel. In the case of my past relationship, neither of us wanted to let it go. We decided to do what was best for the both of us, and it has worked out so far. Events like the engagement dinner however, serve as terrible reminders. Anyway, I made it through it, with no kind of awkwardness.

As far as the one who got away, that situation resolved itself rather nicely. However, I find that now there are others who are interested in me. Why is that as soon as I free myself from one situation, there seem to be others who are interested. However, if I'm not attached at all, there's no one around? It's almost as if there's some kind of signal that recently single or attached women give, like they just smell better to men or something. It makes no sense to me at all...I'm clueless about it. If I could get a man's opinion on it, I'd be able to know more. It's just one of those things that makes little to no sense in all the issues of the world. So frustrating.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

A Love Song for My Male Best Friend

Hey,

So, I read a bunch of blogs randomly.  Most of the blogs I read always are talking about sex, the people who have it and those who don't, the need for it, as well as how to get some more of it in your life. In my reading, I seem to find that a lot of folks are under the impression that men and women cannot be friends. Either it's because one secretly wants the other, they both want the other and don't know how to work it out, or they are doomed to eventually try out a sexual relationship and have it go completely bust. 

However, my male best friend and I do not fit any of those three. Not only have we known each other so long it's not even funny, but there's no sexual tension there. Oddly enough, we set up to be a couple by two friends. It worked and we were involved romantically. But given that we were young, it didn't mean as much if we were together now. I think about those times and laugh, because he was a sweet boyfriend, but it was more or less going through the motions. No real "Love Connection" there. 

So, we ended the attempts in trying to please others and just started hanging out. We'd watch TV together, eat dinner with my mom, go for long walks and just talk about things. We'd huddle together on a park bench in the winter and drink hot chocolate, and in the autumn, we'd rake leaves and burn them (even though it was illegal, we loved the smell) as we cooked s'mores and drank spiked iced tea. We planned to take over the world, and we laughed at almost everyone. Eventually, our relationship became that of best friends, and while it was weird in that we never really discussed its evolution, we started to rely on each other in ways that a lover could not meet.

In high school, we ditched classes to hang out together, we walked around downtown and sometimes went shopping, and we made sure that we caught the first show at the movie theatre on Thursdays when admission was $2.00. Those were the good old days. We've done a lot, and our relationship has a lot of battle scars, but we've settled into a groove that proves that males and females can co-exist in relationships that do not require sex. There's no sexual tension between us, and trust me, we've seen ALL of each other that there is to see. I love him, he loves me, but that love is not sexual. So, to all the bloggers, men and women can be best friends without feeling like they must have sex. My relationship with Kevin is proof of that.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Why So Single?

Hey Everyone,

I'm a little hung over from celebrating Senator Barack Obama's first Presidential Debate. I'm one of the people who believe that he not only was able to articulate his strong points to the American people over Senator John McCain, but also that he was able to fully articulate the differences between himself and McCain in a courteous, witty and intelligent manner. However, that is not what this entry is about.

A friend of mine recently wrote a blog post entitled "Why Did I Stay Single?" In the entry, he's basically asking why, you guessed, he stayed single all these years. For all intent and purposes, he's a smart, funny, caring and a real sweetheart. However, he feels because he's not drop dead gorgeous, more focused on the diaspora than diamonds and is a bit of a professed nerd that he gets no love from the ladies. (For the whole thing, you can read it here.)

My friend's entry has me wondering about the love, or lack thereof that the average guy gets from the ladies. Not the handsome types or the rich types or even the "think they are rich" types, but the average guy working a regular wage job, a man who saves a good portion of his check, who drives a used car and is not one to blow his money on material things. How does he line up against a blinged-out, tricked out material based guy. Is it more important to be about something or to have something around your neck?

Well, the answer has to be in direct relation to the kind of girl you want to attract and possibly be with. Too many men I know are looking for beauty and no brain, for style and no substance. It is no surprise that plastic will attract plastic. My point is, find someone with a strong self-worth, who can say an intelligent word or two and not focus on looks. Hygiene, yes. Halle Berry curves, no. Maybe if men don't set themselves up for rejection or even just look for a "model chick", they'd be able to see the pleasure in dating a "real chick" who may not be as gorgeous, but have much more interesting things happening in her brain. 

*Real chicks are not ugly. Many in fact are beautiful but overlooked for all the plastic people. Also, not all attractive women are plastic. I am a prime example, along with many others that I know.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

The New Goal

Hey,

Just wanted to say hi, and give a few updates on stuff. Nothing too elaborate today, my head is pounding, I think my cat is sick and I've gotta get up in the morning.

1- My male BFF Kevin is so much better now. Against all odds, he's still here, and he managed to walk out of the hospice they'd put him in after he was basically in a drug-induced coma to reduce his pain. The hospice stay was 3 weeks, he woke up after the first week and immediately wanted to leave. He worked towards it and made that a goal, and he did it. Immediately after leaving, he went to a holistic doctor, and fasted for 3 weeks to get all the toxins out of his body, eating only small organic dishes on the weekends, and drinking only organic juice and water during the week. I haven't seen him, he's still in California, but from the phone I know his voice sounds stronger and he sounds more rested. He has yet to go see a doctor, but when he does, I am hoping the prognosis is good. For all purposes, it is a miracle.

2-I've put up a "Donate" button on the right side of the blog. It's for my trip to Europe after my graduation in May of 2009. I've always wanted to go, and I figure asking for donations, the worse thing that will happen is that no one will contribute. If you have a buck or two that you wouldn't mind sharing, hook me up. The money's going into an account that I'm setting up to save for the trip, and whatever you contribute will be greatly appreciated.

3- I'll be doing my radio show Saturday night, discussing one of my favorite topics, RELATIONSHIPS, (haha) from 7 to 9pm, and I'm going to try to blog as I do it. We'll see how well it works. If you are interested in listening, click here. Follow the prompts on the website, under the "Listen Live" area. If you have a question, you can ask it in the comments or email me here if you want your comment to be more private.

Take care and I, as always, want your thoughts...

*Ashley Robin*

Let's Be Straight Up For Once! I am...

Hey,

I've decided that I'm not gonna sit on my blog and lie about what my intentions are in terms of dating and mate searching. I want a guy who is willing and who wants to take care of me. There, I said it. And before everyone gets all up in arms about me being a girl digging for gold, giving me money is NOT what I mean. 

Wu-Tang said it best, "Cash rules everything around me/C.R.E.A.M. get the money/dolla dolla bills y'all"

I am not a gold-digger. I do not need someone to take care of me to the point where my life style changes, or that I'm dependent on a guy. When I say I want someone to take care of me, I mean that essentially chivalry, the very idea that my parents raised me on, is dead. I want to revive it, not only for myself, but for all the women of the world. When I say I want someone to take care of me, I mean that I want someone that knows more chance than not I won't be able to pay the bill if we go to some lavish place because of my school status so he'd not mind paying for me if necessary. He'd rub my feet after a hard day, to know when to bring me dragon maki rolls if I'm feeling down, to get me a Red Bull if I am on the verge of an all nighter, to open doors for me, to tell me I'm beautiful when my nose is red from blowing it, that I'm sexy when I'm bloated and that my worries are his. I guess I want a partner more than a boyfriend. That's what I mean when I say take care of me. Maybe that's too much for dating nowadays, but there are glimmers of hope. 

Today's MisAdventure is about this need that women say they have for a man with money. I was talking to a group of friends and I'm not going to say who, but pretty much all of them were saying that they needed a man to have money. When I asked what that means, they all looked at me as if I was speaking some language they did not understand. I asked again, "What does that mean?". Basically, I was informed that a man with money is needed because these women like "nice sh*t". But my question is, what are you bringing to the table? If a man is good looking, has a job, a car, a place and has money....he's bringing the "A" game. If you're struggling, just in school with no job, and staying at the parent's house while borrowing their car to get to and fro...what do you bring? Don't get it twisted, I'm all for a guy bringing things to the table, but let's be sure that you aren't just selling yourself to the highest bidder. It disgusts me that the world has become so focused on material, that they ignore substance. More worried about Benjamins instead of IQ points. Sad, sad, sad.

So, of course when I voiced that opinion, I was bullied and pretty much kicked out of the conversation...because I believe that relationships should start on equal footing. That the things that are lacking from one partner should be compensated by the other, and so forth. 

But conversely, I have to ask the question: Why are we as women afraid to demand what we want, and follow it? Why are we lowering our standards for the benefit of a relationship? What does that prove? It only allows more opportunity for heartbreak, emotional turmoil and DRAMA. Bitter feelings, ill will, resentment, all that can be a factor when settling in a relationship. However, in the world, how do we know if we are settling? How do we know if someone is not our equal? In my experience, I've tried to follow my gut and my instinct. I've tried to be as honest and open about what I want in a partner, and maybe that's why I'm single. Maybe my needs, and the needs of other women are so high...that we end up alone. Temporarily or permanently, but it will be and is by choice.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

The Definition of the Types of Dates

Hey All,

Okay, now that I've done my civic duty to discuss the world events, back to the less serious things that I seem to talk about in this blog. I got an email a few days ago from a blog reader asking me about date ideas, because as we all know, there are many more things to do other than the old dinner/movie combination. So, I sat down with my pen and pad and started to think. Since there are so many different facets to dating, I've broken down my ideas into sections. Take from which section that fits your goal/aim with the person. Since I reside in Chicago, any examples I use to elaborate on them will be based on Chicago.  But before I give my date ideas, I figured I should use this blog to define the criteria in which I've classified them. The initials next to the type of date it is are those I will use in future reference.

First Date: FD

The first date is the date where you typically get to know someone. If you have not had a chance to get to know this person well enough to decide if you're attracted to them, then this date is the opportunity to do just that. Usually when I'm iffy about a person, I'll do the movie/dinner route, mainly because the movie is entertainment and having dinner after gives us something to talk about. However, while the movie/dinner, dinner/movie is very easy and can be fun, depending on both the movie and the company, it is the regular. Here are some of my suggestions to get to know someone at the introductory "I think I might like you but I'm not really sure yet" stage. Granted, there are different types of first dates, but these are specifically for those who maybe met their date through a friend and don't know them well.

Familiar Date: FAMD

Like first dates, but different in that the people know each other. Maybe they are friends, associates or work together. These dates can be just as awkward, if not more so than first dates, because if they go badly, unlike a date where the participants don't know each other, these two will be around each other again, because of their prior relationship. Unless they are friends and end it right there. (Which is not the desired result).

Second Date: SD

Obviously there was a first date and there was enough chemistry to warrant a second. Hopefully, there are feelings developing, but this date should want to amplify them. This date should be more casual than the first, but also allowing the people to connect on a deeper level.

Group Dates: GD

Not my personal favorite type of date, mainly because there are other people around, and if this is the first outing for anyone, there can be general awkwardness for everyone invovled. Bad group dates usually mean the people who know each other talk all through it, leaving the other two out of the conversation. If that happens, prepare for an excruciatingly boring evening.

Romantic Dates: RD

These are the dates you'd take if you want someone to make a move, such as taking things to the next step, physically. That may be a kiss or having sex, or anything in between. Usually occur somewhere between the third and the eighth date. I only say eighth because if the average couple goes on a date once a week, then after two months, if nothing physical has happened...it more than likely won't. If it's less than once a week, it DEFINITELY won't.

Short Term Relationship Dates: STRD

Dates for couples that are exclusive, but have not been together for more than a year. At that point in a relationship, there should still be some things you have not experienced, and memories are left to be created. There should be little to no problem in finding and creating passion, only just that there may be the feeling of being in a 'rut' because the people in the relationship feel as if their outings are the same things, over and over.

Long Term Relationship Dates: LTRD

Dates for couples that are exclusive, and have been together more than a year. Like most human connections, at this point love is in the equation or at least, a deep appreciation and respect. There may be problems in finding new ways to connect, and there may be ruts and other issues. The couple may or may not live together, creating a need for personal space. These dates should be a combination of romance, rekindling and reconnecting. If there are no problems, these dates are the chance for the couple to connect even further. 

The Things We Do For Love

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Lately...

Okay, so I know my blog isn't as popular as some others. It's not my goal to be the most popular blogger on the internet. However, I do find it surprising so many people read my blog, but don't comment. It's like tasting the food, and NOT complimenting or complaining to the chef. Sigh.

So, I've always been the person that people around me have gone to for relationship advice. Maybe it's because my own relationship history has been colored with different types of people from different backgrounds, or that I can relate to people all across the board. It baffles me that I can give advice to others but cannot take it myself. So, I complained to the one person that I know 'gets' me...my mom. She, in turn, told me the one thing that I needed to hear. "Before you make the journey to finding someone, you need to make sure that you have found yourself. Have you done that?" I had to come to the realization that I hadn't. Not in the sense that I was going for what I wanted, but more so what people wanted me to want. I went after guys who looked like, acted like and seemed to be the kinds of men that made me look good, that my friends could desire for themselves (not my guy specifically, but a guy LIKE mine), but not what I wanted. However, that is no longer the case.

I'm going to take my own advice and look outside my box. Forget the previous 'standards' and find someone who takes my breath away. Truly, madly and deeply. Meanwhile, I'll keep posting my tips on dating, sex and relationships. Someone should be able to use them! LOL...

Much love

(GO OBAMA!)

Somethin' For Nothin'

So, I'm making my plans for the New Year. Everyone says that it's resolutions, that every new year allows us a chance to clean our slates and start anew..and while I'm no big believer in fresh starts, mainly because fresh starts don't exist, I'm owning up to my mistakes, and planning to make the best decisions in my life. Also, fresh starts don't really exist..especially in relationships. I say this because things never seem to want to be left alone. Sadly, we live in an insecure society. People feel that they must be judge against as well as judge other people. Were they better looking, better in bed, funnier, smarter, more interesting, charming, giving than I am? I'm sure at some point everyone has asked these questions, especially when dealing with matters of the heart and matters of intimacy. It's the questions that drive us. Well, my philosophy is to let sleeping dogs lie. Otherwise, leave the past alone. If it isn't affect you, what you currently do or plan to do, then it shouldn't matter. Sadly, I have yet to meet someone, especially a male that I'm attracted to. I thought that these issues would kind of be resolved, but, I just cant seem to find the combination of sexiness, maturity, sensuality, kindness, trust and devotion in a man. I keep looking though, and that brings me to my New Years 'resolution', to devote myself to myself...to find self-love first, and then find it in someone else. I wish I could relieve certain moments in the past over again, behave differently, but since it's not an option, I will be shaking the past moments, assumptions and bad advice off of my feet and going for what is best for me. Not the concept that is given four stars by Good Housekeeping magazine.

A.

Whomever Said "Love is Easy", They Are Lying to Themselves or Celibate Part II

Okay, so even though the first part of this blog was months and months ago, I felt it necessary to conclude it sometime before 2007 ended. Yes, no one really reads this, but I do not publicize this blog enough. That's my mistake. Oh well, that's gonna change. As I mentioned in part I, months ago I read Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages that my mom gave me after discussing my relationship. At that time, it was current, but now, its not so current. I guessed then what her message was, but the many months long gap between entries gave me the foresight to say that now I know what her meaning was...it was that she saw the potential of longevity between us because there was love there. She just wanted me to make the best decision for me....I already explained that I feel there are five types of significant others in relationships. Two of the five I named "The Distracter" and "The Con-Artist". "The Distracter" is pretty much a person who keeps you in awe, who you fall heads over heels for, and overwhelms you with charisma. In dealing with them, you lose yourself and become distracted from doing whatever it is that you originally planned, and you become overwhelmed in theirs. Whereas "The Con-Artist"creates an illusion in your mind that you will be safe, no matter what with them, that you will not face rejection, that their love is yours forever, and with them you will have a happy ending. However, it is simply that, an illusion, and when you realize that it is all false, you will crash and burn. Next, we have "The Pacifier", "The Smotherer" and "The Diffuser-Abuser".

The Pacifier:I also had my first interaction with the Pacifier in college. The Pacifier is the type of person who for whatever reason, leaves you unable to express yourself and conforms your needs and desires in a relationship to theirs. As such, you grow to resent the precedent that they have set with you, whether it be accidental or not, and even though you may love this person more than you could ever love someone....you will never be happy with them because they don't know the 'real' you. While Pacifier exist, the other position of this type is "The Pacifist" which means that you are the one that inadvertently suppresses your mate's feelings and desires. In my case, I was a cooking, cleaning, washing and folding fool. Then later, in another relationship, I was "The Pacifist" and I had this guy bending over backward to do what I wanted, and I didn't realize it. Being a serial pacifist or pacifier just means that you tend to dominate or be dominated in relationships.Lesson Learned: You have to take time to know what you are and what you want in a relationship and cannot let yourself be convinced of otherwise. However, you also have to learn to compromise with that person so that both of your needs are met. If it is not an equal balance of communication and honesty, the relationship will not thrive and your heart will wind up broken.

The Smotherer: The Smotherer is simply that...someone who smothers you, so that you become "The Smothered". Like "The Pacifier", you can lose what I call your "relationship identity" (not just the role you have, but the things you want and need within that relationship) to the other person. However, where the Smotherer and the Pacifier differ is that the Smotherer may not just conform to your needs in a relationship, but your life as well. A Smotherer will want you to spend your time with them, and may expect you to do so that you end up sacrificing relationships with other friends, and if you bring it up, it may cause friction between you. Conversely, if you are smothering someone, they will become somewhat distant and may begin to lie to you about their whereabouts and schedule just to get some solo time. I found myself pretending to take more classes than I actually did, just so that I knew from 9am to 1pm on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, my Smothering boyfriend would not call me. I can happily admit, I've never been a Smotherer. Lesson Learned: Even if you feel the euphoria of a new relationship, do not feel the need to draw a calendar of your exact schedule. Even if you do, don't always feel compelled to answer the phone. Sometimes it is nice to just be unavailable.

Lastly...
The Diffuser-Abuser: This one is always hard to label because things always seem great in the beginning. It usually starts with the "Diffuser-Abuser" expressing some extreme emotion, whether its unsupported jealousy, rage, anger over something trivial or endless questioning. They eventually find things to argue about, and will begin to distrust you. No matter what you say or do, you cannot and will not convince them you are faithful to the relationship. The abuse you receive is not physical but emotional. However, because their mistrust comes from their own insecurities, it will be something that will inevitably break up the relationship. Sad fact, but true.Lesson Learned: No matter how much time or energy you spend reassuring the Diffuser-Abuser that you are faithful, (and with this type, you have to be, since they more than likely are a Smotherer also) they will not believe you. It is better to let them go find a similar type to harass and stay away. It will be hard because sex with Diffuser-Abusers tends to be some of the best, if not the best you have or ever will have in life.

Now granted, there are sub-divisions...those will be explained later.

Hope this helps you identify your mate,
A.

Whomever Said "Love is Easy", They Are Lying to Themselves or Celibate Part I

I never realized how much give and take goes into a relationship. I just finished reading a book called Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages that my mother handed to me one morning after I'd sat on her bed discussing my current relationship. What her exact message was, I cannot guess, mainly because she is an expert at double meanings. Written by Dr. Robin L. Smith, best known as being the psychologist that is often featured on Oprah's show anytime there are people with relationship issues, the book discusses healthy techniques to solidify an existing marriage, to prepare for an upcoming marriage, as well as things to demand in a healthy relationship. While readingI thought about my current relationship, but more so about how my past relationships had affected my outlook on love and how I'd changed. I realized in doing so that I am different, not in a bad or good way, but different. I've broken down the men in my life, not by name, but by type and the relationship, as well as its outcome and what I've learned and can pass on to those. (These can apply to men and women, so if this sounds like your partner, but just a "he" instead of "she", know the pronouns are interchangeable.)

The Distracter: I met him when I was in high school, and was immediately taken aback by his looks. He was pretty much the guy you dream of and can easily find yourself going out of your way to see. I pretty much was infatuated with him, loving the moments when I was in his company and hating the moments when I was not. He was interested in me, if not for my naviete (because in those days, I truly was, especially when it came to the opposite sex), but for my attempts at humor, my ability to hang on his every word and syllable. Whatever he told me, I took it as the truth, hook, line and sinker. However, he was also a charismatic handsome man, and that is a lethal combination. So his lies became my truth, and his world became what I lived for...he diverted me from my own goals and inexplicably created new ones for me, and in becoming a part of his world, his goals and his fantasy, I lost myself. When I began to realize this, as others around me did also, I started to pull away, and even though his good looks kept my heart aflutter, my brain knew better. Eventually, we went our seperate ways, not because of a conflict that came to a boil but something much more simple....Mr. Distracter needed a present audience, and if he traveled off to school, I was unable to follow. Lesson Learned: You have to be secure in who you are and love that person, from your morals to your clothes, before you can even think to love someone else. You have to know yourself before you can know someone else.

The Con-Artist: My first interaction with the Con-Artist was in college. Now, don't get me wrong, he never stole a dime from me. When I call him the Con-Artist, I mean that he was able to build himself in my mind, heart and spirit as the end-all answer to my problems. The actual con was that it took me a while to discover that it was an illusion, and instead of stealing my money, he stole my belief that men were trustworthy. The sadder thing was that Mr. Con-Artist did not realize he was creating this illusion, and if he did, in his eyes it was the best he could give me. Initially, I took his feelings and expressions of love as enough, but I needed more..to know his feelings were unconditional, as mine were for him. That was the illusion, because at the first true test, all his dissatisfaction towards me and things I could not change altered his 'love' for me and our fractured relationship. Because the illusion was so elaborate and well-maintained through time, the men that came after him had to deal with the damage he'd created on my psyche, restore my faith in men, and though some were good men, great men even, the work proved to be too much. As a result, I ended up losing out on a guy who could have been my relationship partner for a long time...maybe not forever, but a while. Lesson Learned: Each relationship is its own entity, and just because the last person broke your heart, it does not mean that the next person will. You have to find ways to repair yourself so that the next person that comes along does not have to deal with the remnants of a Con-Artist.

Coming in Part II:The Pacifier, The Smotherer and The Diffuser-Abuser

Ashley Robin