Lately...

Okay, so I know my blog isn't as popular as some others. It's not my goal to be the most popular blogger on the internet. However, I do find it surprising so many people read my blog, but don't comment. It's like tasting the food, and NOT complimenting or complaining to the chef. Sigh.

So, I've always been the person that people around me have gone to for relationship advice. Maybe it's because my own relationship history has been colored with different types of people from different backgrounds, or that I can relate to people all across the board. It baffles me that I can give advice to others but cannot take it myself. So, I complained to the one person that I know 'gets' me...my mom. She, in turn, told me the one thing that I needed to hear. "Before you make the journey to finding someone, you need to make sure that you have found yourself. Have you done that?" I had to come to the realization that I hadn't. Not in the sense that I was going for what I wanted, but more so what people wanted me to want. I went after guys who looked like, acted like and seemed to be the kinds of men that made me look good, that my friends could desire for themselves (not my guy specifically, but a guy LIKE mine), but not what I wanted. However, that is no longer the case.

I'm going to take my own advice and look outside my box. Forget the previous 'standards' and find someone who takes my breath away. Truly, madly and deeply. Meanwhile, I'll keep posting my tips on dating, sex and relationships. Someone should be able to use them! LOL...

Much love

(GO OBAMA!)

Romancing the Sex

Hey all,

I'm not sure where I've been the last few days, weeks, months, years...but I was suddenly introduced to the idea of sex being a huge deal. I guess I always knew of people who believed it to be a massive thing, some sort of entity that they carry around with them, this idea of "massive sex". However, I do not share that philosophy. Not that I'm some random whore of a woman who sleeps with anyone I come into contact with, I just do not feel that sex can be held up to that high of an ideal. Because, like most ideal concepts, if they are held too high, they eventually shatter. Herein develops the theory of "real bad sex". I have had enough experience in the world to know that the longer you feign for something, desire it, dream of it, when 'it' happens...well, 'it' may not live up to the expectations you had. Like a good slice of New York pizza or chocolate ice cream when thought of too long, sex can become uninteresting, unimaginative and distasteful. 

So, imagine my surprise when I happened to come across an individual who feels sex is a pretty big deal. This individual, of more than average intellect, physical characteristics and wit, was able to tell me that each time they had sex it meant something to them, and it was indeed some sort of peak in a relationship. However, when I presented my idea that maybe sex is routine for some, and should not be the reason why so many women end up on "Snapped", why so many people go missing, why so many spouses end up dead or divorced...they were unable to explain why they felt this way, other than to say it was what they were taught as a child. Hmm...really?

Let's be honest. In ancient times, when sex was required in order to create more members in a society, it was not some special thing. Most men, who were deemed desirable in their physical traits in those days were told to have sex as often as possible in order to create desirable heirs to their name.  Only with the overpopulation of humans, the concept of love as well as marriage between two people lasting forever, did the idea of the physical representation of a union (sex) grow the emotional and "big deal" ideology that stands today. Also, with the addition of unwanted pregnancy, disease and feelings of lust disguised as love that can come as the result of an orgasm (male or female), sex has become more a "mental game" than a simple physical activity designed to create children, which, by the way, happens to feel good to both partners. I've thought about this while trying to build thoughts to discuss sex on the radio show, and I'm sure that not everyone will agree. However, I ask that they take the disease, the possible resulting children and even love out of the equation. The act of sex is not the "head game", but the dealing with the partner. Therefore, "Romancing the Sex" shouldn't happen. Leave the romance for later.

A.