Somethin' For Nothin'

So, I'm making my plans for the New Year. Everyone says that it's resolutions, that every new year allows us a chance to clean our slates and start anew..and while I'm no big believer in fresh starts, mainly because fresh starts don't exist, I'm owning up to my mistakes, and planning to make the best decisions in my life. Also, fresh starts don't really exist..especially in relationships. I say this because things never seem to want to be left alone. Sadly, we live in an insecure society. People feel that they must be judge against as well as judge other people. Were they better looking, better in bed, funnier, smarter, more interesting, charming, giving than I am? I'm sure at some point everyone has asked these questions, especially when dealing with matters of the heart and matters of intimacy. It's the questions that drive us. Well, my philosophy is to let sleeping dogs lie. Otherwise, leave the past alone. If it isn't affect you, what you currently do or plan to do, then it shouldn't matter. Sadly, I have yet to meet someone, especially a male that I'm attracted to. I thought that these issues would kind of be resolved, but, I just cant seem to find the combination of sexiness, maturity, sensuality, kindness, trust and devotion in a man. I keep looking though, and that brings me to my New Years 'resolution', to devote myself to myself...to find self-love first, and then find it in someone else. I wish I could relieve certain moments in the past over again, behave differently, but since it's not an option, I will be shaking the past moments, assumptions and bad advice off of my feet and going for what is best for me. Not the concept that is given four stars by Good Housekeeping magazine.

A.