A Bit of Irony

Hey,

I have been feeling tired, exhausted and like something was draining me for weeks. I go so hard on things that I do in life, that I usually am the last one to realize if something is wrong with me physically. I've been taught from a young age that pain is nothing but a hinderance, that you suck it up, ignore it, will it away, wish it away, and it does everything you tell it.

However, last Friday, I could not ignore the pain anymore. My mother and I went to the ER after the pain was so bad that it caused me to swoon, and subsequently, I passed out. 

Eight hours later, I was found to have a really bad kidney infection. How does one get a kidney infection? Well, a few days before, I'd had stomach flu really bad. The doctors believe that the virus somehow didn't die, but traveled instead to my right kidney, which already is weak, and infected it. I also have found out that I have other issues which have contributed to the infection, but I'll keep those private for the moment.

The point is, I now find myself in a position where I cannot even attend school because it is far too uncomfortable to sit in a chair for a long period. I went to my classes today, and found myself in agony to the point of screaming. And because of the infection and antibiotics, I can't take anything for the pain stronger than Tylenol #3, and I'm downing them like breath mints to no avail. I think I took 3000 mg of Tylenol today alone. Sad stuff, I know. Until I rid myself of the infection, I can't have any surgery or medical procedures done to rid myself of the pain. The one procedure I do have on my schedule is for next week, where I will get a dye injected into my kidney to see if there is any scarring. There is also another one, where I will be injected with something to pretty much force all the gunk in me out. *Sorry if that's TMI*

I tend to take everything that happens in stride. Here I was, exercising and working towards running a marathon, and now part of me isn't sure what will happen to me next. I swear, I just feel like I'm climbing an uphill battle and I've got cement blocks in my feet.

So the irony comes in a bitter pill for me. I wanted to slow down, and now I have to. I can't will my body to heal faster, and I can't force myself to do what I can't do. I'm hoping that Monday will bring me a better chance to bear it all though. I can't wish for Thursday soon enough.

ARGHHHH!

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

An update

Hey,

I just wanted to write a quick post thanking everyone for the emails, ims, phone calls and other ways to express their thoughts for me and Kevin during this time. It is nice to know people care. I also wanted to write and let you know that Kevin is awake, but in terrible pain and being sedated to keep down the pain. He will be moving to a hospice tomorrow where he can rest and feel better for being out of the hospital. I can't really cry anymore, or think about it too hard because I simply get upset. It's hard to be calm in times like these, but knowing people are there and care about us makes me feel better. So thank you.

Ashley Robin

Knock the Bullish Out

Hey

So, I got sick. Yeah, ordinarily, it's not a big deal, but I find myself sick and bored out of my mind. I'm not only stuck in the house, I've got nothing but old books, older movies and my silly ol' cat to keep me company. As a result, I have had a fair amount of time to think about things going on in my life. And I've decided I don't like the path of which most of the stuff is going...so that means, in simple words, it's time to Knock Out the Bullshit.

What does that mean exactly? Every year, usually around the first of the year, many people all over the world begin to put their lame-as "resolutions" into effect. Yours truly always resolves to cut the fat, eliminate people and relationships that are not good for me, because they simply suck in terms of my mental, physical and spiritual growth and health. However, I, like many people, suffer from a thing called "having good intentions but no real follow through". Simply speaking, I cannot actually take the steps required in order to make this plan a reality. Well, not this year. Why is this year different...you ask? Well, let's rehash.

In 2007, I had a record year of lows. I was broke (and I mean broke...like digging in the couch cushions for loose change to only remember you'd done that a few days before), fired for the first time, found out my dad had Alzheimer's and dementia, celebrated 15 years of losing someone very close to me, almost died twice, found out one of my best friends bout with cancer was eventually going to kill him, lost an uncle, a great-aunt, along with being dumped, rejected and brokenhearted. It was a rough year. In many ways, though, its full circle because I started last year off not feeling so well, and I start this year off sick. I hope this is not going to be a tradition, because it is a SUCKY one. ha.

So, I am more determined than ever to "knock the bullshit" out of my life and far far away from me. Things are going to be on my terms, I'm not going to try to please anyone but myself. The goal is to do well in school, study for the GMAT and LSAT, and maybe, just MAYBE find some sense of happiness. I'd settle for being content though, because happiness is overrated and short-lived. So, if you hear from me, hold your breath, because I may be telling you it is the last time we will talk. If you don't, well, you get the message.