I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy, been tired and honestly, haven't had much to say. I'm enjoying my summer, I guess, but I'm realizing that I'm starting to take mu whole independence and re-emergence as an independant woman to another level. Women typically get called bitches and mean if they exhibit the persona of someone who wants to take things to another level, expects only the best and nothing less and desires perfection, which even though it doesn't exist, should always try to be attained.
With my high expectations in mind, I've tried to start dating. Dating is interesting, because it basically is just an exercise. The guy shares a part of himself, the most impressive part, with a girl who does the same. If they like what each other has to say, usually a second date follows, where more part-sharing happens, it's just that this time, the part they share tends to be a bit more like who they are, just not as impressive as the initial date. Personally, I hate it. I think it sucks. I go on dates, and I'm who I am. What you see is exactly what you're gonna get. That's why I don't get my hair 'did' for them, i don't try to wear anything not like me, I try to be as authentic to who I am as possible...even if that means there is no second date.
Lately, I've just been blah about the whole practice, but my mom and godmom are saying, that a girl my age should date, even if I find it horrible. Have fun, they say...enjoy life. Is it bad to say that I find more fun in reading Dostoevsky than sharing a meal with some random guy, who probably, in the final analysis, probably doesn't even know who that is? That I'd rather watch movies on Turner Classic than go to some overrated, overcrowded, overpriced nightclub? That I'd rather babysit my younger cousins than sitting around "hoping" a guy will call when he says he will...which rarely happens, unless you're in a relationship and even then...cross your fingers.
Dont' get it twisted, I'm not bitter. I do eventually want Mr. Right. However, I'd rather wait for him then try to satisfy myself with a Mr. Right Now. Mr. Right's around the corner, though, I can feel it. He won't message me with three words or less, either. LOL.
XoXo,
Ashley Robin
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Hobblin Around
Well, everyone knows me to be a big klutz. Whether I'm spilling something, tripping, falling, stumbling, banging, crashing, smacking or inadvertently whacking some part of my body into, onto or between something, I've definitely got some klutz in me. I thought at 22 years old, the worst of it would be over, since I've done ballet, am doing yoga and learning more about self-balance and can actually see a difference in my posture and grace....but alas, an Ashley moment happened.
I wanted to go for a short run, so I decided to run around the University of Chicago, not the track, but the actual school. They have an area that I call the midway, (it's actually named Midway Pleasance) but it's the midway point between Hyde Park and my house. Anyway, I'm running over there, like usual, with my towel around my neck, iPod on my hip and shoes nice and laced up. Breathing's good, pace is great, heart is beating regularly, and I feel good. I decide to cut across the path behind one of the school's buildings and then swing around to do a cool down lap before I go to my car and head back home, and what do I do...I trip over a rock and badly sprain my ankle. Well, since I'm on a low-traffic path, I'm laying there for a while, in pain, and trying to decide what I should do. My good friend Andrew, who I've known since my private school days, happens to go the school, so I call him up on my cell phone, and thank god, he happens to be in the Starbucks on campus, which is actually about a half block in distance from where I am. He comes over to where I am, picks me up, (how gallant of him) and carries me to the ER. After waiting about an hour and a half, I not only have a really 'sexy' orthopedic shoe, (yeah right), that I'm supposed to wear for five days, I also have a really sexy pair of metal crutches that I don't really need as well.
When I get home, my mom is all concerned, fretting over me and my ankle and she's been babying me for the past three days. I don't mind it actually, it's nice to see her so concerned over me, telling me to stay in bed, and fixing me everything, kinda makes me feel like I did when I had walking pneumonia, except I'm conscious enough to actually enjoy it. I called off of work, for two days and I went in today, to only be called Gimpy by my boss. He's such an a**hole. Another girl I work with said I injured myself on purpose so I could get time off, but I said to her, "Hey, unlike you, I actually like working for this department and this company, so shut the hell up!" I've been here, plowing through all these calls I have to return, and I'm finally finished, so I'm waiting for 230 to leave and go home.
Yay, I just found out I can leave!
Hobbling around does have its advantages....
Ashley Robin
I wanted to go for a short run, so I decided to run around the University of Chicago, not the track, but the actual school. They have an area that I call the midway, (it's actually named Midway Pleasance) but it's the midway point between Hyde Park and my house. Anyway, I'm running over there, like usual, with my towel around my neck, iPod on my hip and shoes nice and laced up. Breathing's good, pace is great, heart is beating regularly, and I feel good. I decide to cut across the path behind one of the school's buildings and then swing around to do a cool down lap before I go to my car and head back home, and what do I do...I trip over a rock and badly sprain my ankle. Well, since I'm on a low-traffic path, I'm laying there for a while, in pain, and trying to decide what I should do. My good friend Andrew, who I've known since my private school days, happens to go the school, so I call him up on my cell phone, and thank god, he happens to be in the Starbucks on campus, which is actually about a half block in distance from where I am. He comes over to where I am, picks me up, (how gallant of him) and carries me to the ER. After waiting about an hour and a half, I not only have a really 'sexy' orthopedic shoe, (yeah right), that I'm supposed to wear for five days, I also have a really sexy pair of metal crutches that I don't really need as well.
When I get home, my mom is all concerned, fretting over me and my ankle and she's been babying me for the past three days. I don't mind it actually, it's nice to see her so concerned over me, telling me to stay in bed, and fixing me everything, kinda makes me feel like I did when I had walking pneumonia, except I'm conscious enough to actually enjoy it. I called off of work, for two days and I went in today, to only be called Gimpy by my boss. He's such an a**hole. Another girl I work with said I injured myself on purpose so I could get time off, but I said to her, "Hey, unlike you, I actually like working for this department and this company, so shut the hell up!" I've been here, plowing through all these calls I have to return, and I'm finally finished, so I'm waiting for 230 to leave and go home.
Yay, I just found out I can leave!
Hobbling around does have its advantages....
Ashley Robin
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Women, We Gotta Do Better!
I've been talking to a friend on myspace about the state of females today and I just felt the need to share part of the discussion. Apparently, instead of being happy that a fellow female is doing well, living life drama-free and happy, maybe even in love with someone great, or just in love with life, some women (not all, since some are the ones who are targets) conspire and try their damndest to bring them down all in a fit of jealousy. They deny it, saying they 'ain't concerned with that bitch', etc, and try to claim they are so secure and confident in who they are, but overall, they're just really sad people. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.
It hurts me to see this happen, with the ladies because 1) I am a female and 2) I come from a place where this simply did not happen. I hate to say it, but it's the Midwestern girls. My time in New York as a teen and child, I grew up around confident girls who didn't backstab, conspire to humiliate or talk about each other behind each other's back or feel the need to debase themselves for attention or popularity. There has to be something about the water out here, maybe, that just makes it normal female behavior to knock someone else of the same gender. Think about it ladies, have you ever been out, doing your damn thing, looking and feeling good, and you notice a girl or two or three, sitting or standing in a corner, looking or pointing at you and whispering. When you get closer to them, you hear, "that bitch thinks she's better than so and so..." it goes on and on. In my last relationship that happened constantly. Everytime we went out, "that bitch thinks she's so dope because she's with him" and so on...when actually, it's not me who thought I was tight business, it was my man, since he made me his girl! LOL. Even though to this day, he thinks I'm wonderful and pays me all the attention when I'm around, practically ignoring other women. It's an issue that was a problem while we were together. Ironic. But that's another blog.
Back to my point...in my life it's happened to me more times than I can count and even moreso now that I've got a nice car, a great job and money coming in, great prospects in school and am happy. I hear it, "that bitch thinks she's raw because she got all that hair..." when it's not me who thinks I'm 'raw', they obviously must, since all they do is hate. To bring it back to what my friend and I were discussing on myspace, women also feel they have to use their sex to make up what they lack in confidence, self-esteem and intelligence. Because although using 'what you got' to get a man's attention is cool in a moment, it never lasts. It's the brain power, the sensuality of an idea, the 'less is more' philosophy that keeps a man interested in the long term. Trust me, after having been in relationships for no less than a year a piece, I know. We gotta do better. This can't be how things work.
If you like what someone is doing, don't tear them down, ask them how they got there. If you like an outfit, pair of shoes, accessory or someone's hair...ask them where they got it, who does it, etc...it's the only way to kill the pattern. No more lowering standards and becoming a hater to feed some need to be jealous and envious. It's not healthy. Matter of fact, it's not even constructive. It's P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. What are your thoughts, men and women? Please comment. Let me know if it's just me.
Ash
It hurts me to see this happen, with the ladies because 1) I am a female and 2) I come from a place where this simply did not happen. I hate to say it, but it's the Midwestern girls. My time in New York as a teen and child, I grew up around confident girls who didn't backstab, conspire to humiliate or talk about each other behind each other's back or feel the need to debase themselves for attention or popularity. There has to be something about the water out here, maybe, that just makes it normal female behavior to knock someone else of the same gender. Think about it ladies, have you ever been out, doing your damn thing, looking and feeling good, and you notice a girl or two or three, sitting or standing in a corner, looking or pointing at you and whispering. When you get closer to them, you hear, "that bitch thinks she's better than so and so..." it goes on and on. In my last relationship that happened constantly. Everytime we went out, "that bitch thinks she's so dope because she's with him" and so on...when actually, it's not me who thought I was tight business, it was my man, since he made me his girl! LOL. Even though to this day, he thinks I'm wonderful and pays me all the attention when I'm around, practically ignoring other women. It's an issue that was a problem while we were together. Ironic. But that's another blog.
Back to my point...in my life it's happened to me more times than I can count and even moreso now that I've got a nice car, a great job and money coming in, great prospects in school and am happy. I hear it, "that bitch thinks she's raw because she got all that hair..." when it's not me who thinks I'm 'raw', they obviously must, since all they do is hate. To bring it back to what my friend and I were discussing on myspace, women also feel they have to use their sex to make up what they lack in confidence, self-esteem and intelligence. Because although using 'what you got' to get a man's attention is cool in a moment, it never lasts. It's the brain power, the sensuality of an idea, the 'less is more' philosophy that keeps a man interested in the long term. Trust me, after having been in relationships for no less than a year a piece, I know. We gotta do better. This can't be how things work.
If you like what someone is doing, don't tear them down, ask them how they got there. If you like an outfit, pair of shoes, accessory or someone's hair...ask them where they got it, who does it, etc...it's the only way to kill the pattern. No more lowering standards and becoming a hater to feed some need to be jealous and envious. It's not healthy. Matter of fact, it's not even constructive. It's P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. What are your thoughts, men and women? Please comment. Let me know if it's just me.
Ash
Friday, June 16, 2006
I (Sometimes) Wish..
I sometimes wish I was a kid again. Not because my childhood was great, it actually sucked a whole lot, but because things were so simple. I can wonder thinking about a crush was the biggest obstacle I ever had, not where I'm going to apply for grad school. LOL. Although I wouldn't give away the freedom with someday being in grad school and getting a six figure job, having no cares and loving what I do....being able to get married to Mr... and having his kids, all that, it's just nice to have things be simple for a while.
Again, enough with the lying! My friend called me today, and she asked, "So, what's up with this whole bs that people do, sending out false energy into the world?" She's a big believer in true and false energy and being truthful, not insulting people by thinking they really are complete dumbasses, and etc. I told her that stupid people were taking over the planet, that there's really nothing you can do about it.
People always seem to want to make themselves or their situations look WAYY better than they are, instead of admitting what they have or don't have and dealing with it. She's speaking about a specific situation. she's got a friend, well, actually, they are my friend too, and this girl is lying to all of us about simple stuff, like where she lives (who the hell would lie about that?) and that her boyfriend isn't controlling (when he completely is...she was coming out with us, and he wanted the license plate number as well as physical description of the car we were in...WTF?!!)
Now, we're all worried because she's gone ghost...again. Last time this happened, she ended up taking a bus from VA to NY to our friend Lacey's house to get away from this guy who had obviously beat on her, and then she CALLS him to say she misses him from Lacey's home phone. He does an address finder on the number and shows up, demanding she come back. Lace was like, "fuck that, i'm not dying over this shit..." and told her to come out. She did, they left and that was that. A few months later, she's crying and upset again, telling us all that she moved back into her mom's house...but yet, still has the same home number as she did when she was living with the guy. I mean, come on...we have caller id, we are not stupid. Again, lying and in turn insulting people's intelligence...not a good thing.
Assuming that people aren't gonna catch on to your lies and strings of deceit is just bad business. I mean, imagine you have a different story for each person you know. What if they meet and talk about you? Now, you've got to either keep them seperate or keep certain parts of your story the same so that they have no idea. Like, for example, saying you are sick. She'd tell one of us she had stomach flu, the other she had cramps, so if we spoke, it'd be like, "hey, have you talked to Cammie* today?" we'd say, "nah, she's sick." if we were to delve into it and discover she told two of us two different illnesses, she'd say, "well, i meant stomach cramps, not period ones." That girl is super smart. For all that energy thrown into it, she could have built a cold fission device.
So back to my point, I sometimes wish I was a kid again, where life was simple and whatnot. You only had to worry about what kind of ice cream you'd get when the truck came, and not worry about people's well-beings, mental or physical. But then again, without the age and maturity to recognize peril, we'd probably be taken in by their bs. Sigh...life's so conceptually complex. Gotta love it though.
back to my movie...(hits the play button...gotta love on demand!)
ashley
*Not her real name, by the way
Again, enough with the lying! My friend called me today, and she asked, "So, what's up with this whole bs that people do, sending out false energy into the world?" She's a big believer in true and false energy and being truthful, not insulting people by thinking they really are complete dumbasses, and etc. I told her that stupid people were taking over the planet, that there's really nothing you can do about it.
People always seem to want to make themselves or their situations look WAYY better than they are, instead of admitting what they have or don't have and dealing with it. She's speaking about a specific situation. she's got a friend, well, actually, they are my friend too, and this girl is lying to all of us about simple stuff, like where she lives (who the hell would lie about that?) and that her boyfriend isn't controlling (when he completely is...she was coming out with us, and he wanted the license plate number as well as physical description of the car we were in...WTF?!!)
Now, we're all worried because she's gone ghost...again. Last time this happened, she ended up taking a bus from VA to NY to our friend Lacey's house to get away from this guy who had obviously beat on her, and then she CALLS him to say she misses him from Lacey's home phone. He does an address finder on the number and shows up, demanding she come back. Lace was like, "fuck that, i'm not dying over this shit..." and told her to come out. She did, they left and that was that. A few months later, she's crying and upset again, telling us all that she moved back into her mom's house...but yet, still has the same home number as she did when she was living with the guy. I mean, come on...we have caller id, we are not stupid. Again, lying and in turn insulting people's intelligence...not a good thing.
Assuming that people aren't gonna catch on to your lies and strings of deceit is just bad business. I mean, imagine you have a different story for each person you know. What if they meet and talk about you? Now, you've got to either keep them seperate or keep certain parts of your story the same so that they have no idea. Like, for example, saying you are sick. She'd tell one of us she had stomach flu, the other she had cramps, so if we spoke, it'd be like, "hey, have you talked to Cammie* today?" we'd say, "nah, she's sick." if we were to delve into it and discover she told two of us two different illnesses, she'd say, "well, i meant stomach cramps, not period ones." That girl is super smart. For all that energy thrown into it, she could have built a cold fission device.
So back to my point, I sometimes wish I was a kid again, where life was simple and whatnot. You only had to worry about what kind of ice cream you'd get when the truck came, and not worry about people's well-beings, mental or physical. But then again, without the age and maturity to recognize peril, we'd probably be taken in by their bs. Sigh...life's so conceptually complex. Gotta love it though.
back to my movie...(hits the play button...gotta love on demand!)
ashley
*Not her real name, by the way
Thursday, June 15, 2006
It's A New Dawn, New Day, New Life for me..and I'm Feeling Good
I love the fact that I'm stress-free. I LOVE IT! Nothing can affect my happiness. I can't do the hard training right now, so I've gotten into yoga and pilates and back into my ballet. I was at the gym, just dancing, to the above mentioned song, actually....(ten points for you if you know it, lol) and I'd never felt so good. I think it's because I've let all the negativity wash away, like dirt on my toes, and just go down a drain to wind up far, far away.
I never would have thought letting go of certain issues would make me feel so....elated to be. I mean, not only did I cease caring about trifling mess and the people associated with it, I also got things straight with my ex...which did wonders for both of us, since we were both too damn confused...and I managed to slow down physically, so that I wouldn't wear myself ragged. Being forced to wasn't a good thing, of course being forced to do anything you don't want to sucks, but it made me realize what was important.
School. My health. My family. My spirit. My dreams and goals. (Not in any order, mind you) But sometimes they intersect. I've decided that going to grad school is a must. I have to go. Hell, I want to go. I'm ready to go...NOW! LOL. Plus, it'd make me feel more confident entering into my field, and I'm more liable to get a job with a graduate degree, killer persona and nice looks than just looks and persona alone, since almost everyone has a undergrad degree these days. So the plan, over the next year, is to go look at the schools I'd want to apply to.
1-Yale
2-NYU
3-Columbia University
4-Northwestern
5-Princeton
6-Georgetown
7-Stanford
8-USC
I want a school with prestige, a strong communications program and a school that is in a big enough city that I can find a part-time job if I need to. I got into half of them for undergrad, (yeah, my SAT scores, grades and recommendations and all that was just that great). So that's my goal for the next year, is to narrow down the aforementioned list to four, and apply to those four the semester before I'm due to graduate.
Gotta go get ready to rock and roll,
Ash
I never would have thought letting go of certain issues would make me feel so....elated to be. I mean, not only did I cease caring about trifling mess and the people associated with it, I also got things straight with my ex...which did wonders for both of us, since we were both too damn confused...and I managed to slow down physically, so that I wouldn't wear myself ragged. Being forced to wasn't a good thing, of course being forced to do anything you don't want to sucks, but it made me realize what was important.
School. My health. My family. My spirit. My dreams and goals. (Not in any order, mind you) But sometimes they intersect. I've decided that going to grad school is a must. I have to go. Hell, I want to go. I'm ready to go...NOW! LOL. Plus, it'd make me feel more confident entering into my field, and I'm more liable to get a job with a graduate degree, killer persona and nice looks than just looks and persona alone, since almost everyone has a undergrad degree these days. So the plan, over the next year, is to go look at the schools I'd want to apply to.
1-Yale
2-NYU
3-Columbia University
4-Northwestern
5-Princeton
6-Georgetown
7-Stanford
8-USC
I want a school with prestige, a strong communications program and a school that is in a big enough city that I can find a part-time job if I need to. I got into half of them for undergrad, (yeah, my SAT scores, grades and recommendations and all that was just that great). So that's my goal for the next year, is to narrow down the aforementioned list to four, and apply to those four the semester before I'm due to graduate.
Gotta go get ready to rock and roll,
Ash
Monday, June 12, 2006
Renewed Sense of My Life: I'm Lovin It!
The past few weeks, I've been out of it. Between being my getting sick, mom being sick, Kev being sick and then all this hating bullshit from spineless no-names, I've been so...unlike me. I know it, you know it and it's time for me to not be. My drama with my ex had me all fukked up, so yesterday, I called him up, and decided it was the time to have..."THE" talk. Well, that's what we did. We talked about everything, from the beginning to the end of our time together. Found out he was jealous, which shocked the hell out of me considering the type of guy he is. Found out his mom liked me, and calls me her daughter, despite us telling her a while ago that we weren't together, and even scored an invite to a family function. Found out he also had plans to change some of the things about him that I didn't like, but it was going to be an uncomfortable change. (We both decided it be best to be who we are.) And, the most important thing...I found out that we are really great friends.
We laughed, smiled, hugged and there was nothing but love in the air. When he walked me to my car, we were back to how we were when we were dating, (but not really involved) just really, really cool. (Minus my gushing and major crush-like feelings towards him..lol) He told me something that I'll never forget, that out of all the women he's dated, I was his equal and if he ever got it together well enough that he'd think it would work, he'd forget the dating and all that, and just ask me to be his. He said that no matter what, I'd still be sexy confident Ash, and that's who I need to be forever. So, I got in my whip, placed my sunglasses over my eyes, put the top down, and let my hair blow all around me as I drove off.
Went to the doctor, who gave me yet another checkup...and told me that I was okay to continue my regular lifestyle, but just to cut back on the physically demanding workouts. Sigh...nothing like getting my blood pumping in the gym. Anyway, he recommended I do yoga, which is something I hadn't really thought about. I mean, Madonna's got a killer body and she does it...so I'm off to find a yoga class.
Went to the gym and hit the crap out of the bag...which to be honest had never really felt THAT good. Then, I went home, piled up with my 360 and zoned out for a few hours until my male counterpart, Kev, called me and invited me to an all-guy sleepover at my and his boy's crib (the best friend of my ex (who happened to come by, and stayed...no weirdness at all...damn, we keep our circle tight!!!!). While there, I managed to kick everyone's ass in Call of Duty and managed to get the hang of Madden on 360. Despite my practicing at home, I felt proud. No delegating me to watching...I was all in the game!
This morning, I came home, ate some breakfast and bummed around, waiting on these work documents to come so I could fill them out. (They never came...boo.) My week, so far, would be awesome if I didn't have this jury thing over my head...but I'll know in less than 24 hours. I'm going out this weekend, who wants to come along?!
The Lovely Ash's Back....
You really didn't think I'd be down for that long, would you?
Ashley Robin
P.S.- Watched Hell's Kitchen...definitely the best cooking reality show since Top Chef. As a matter of fact, it's like Top Chef on Heroin....
We laughed, smiled, hugged and there was nothing but love in the air. When he walked me to my car, we were back to how we were when we were dating, (but not really involved) just really, really cool. (Minus my gushing and major crush-like feelings towards him..lol) He told me something that I'll never forget, that out of all the women he's dated, I was his equal and if he ever got it together well enough that he'd think it would work, he'd forget the dating and all that, and just ask me to be his. He said that no matter what, I'd still be sexy confident Ash, and that's who I need to be forever. So, I got in my whip, placed my sunglasses over my eyes, put the top down, and let my hair blow all around me as I drove off.
Went to the doctor, who gave me yet another checkup...and told me that I was okay to continue my regular lifestyle, but just to cut back on the physically demanding workouts. Sigh...nothing like getting my blood pumping in the gym. Anyway, he recommended I do yoga, which is something I hadn't really thought about. I mean, Madonna's got a killer body and she does it...so I'm off to find a yoga class.
Went to the gym and hit the crap out of the bag...which to be honest had never really felt THAT good. Then, I went home, piled up with my 360 and zoned out for a few hours until my male counterpart, Kev, called me and invited me to an all-guy sleepover at my and his boy's crib (the best friend of my ex (who happened to come by, and stayed...no weirdness at all...damn, we keep our circle tight!!!!). While there, I managed to kick everyone's ass in Call of Duty and managed to get the hang of Madden on 360. Despite my practicing at home, I felt proud. No delegating me to watching...I was all in the game!
This morning, I came home, ate some breakfast and bummed around, waiting on these work documents to come so I could fill them out. (They never came...boo.) My week, so far, would be awesome if I didn't have this jury thing over my head...but I'll know in less than 24 hours. I'm going out this weekend, who wants to come along?!
The Lovely Ash's Back....
You really didn't think I'd be down for that long, would you?
Ashley Robin
P.S.- Watched Hell's Kitchen...definitely the best cooking reality show since Top Chef. As a matter of fact, it's like Top Chef on Heroin....
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Irony: Let It Go and Let It Be
I know now that i've done some bad things, and I've done some good things. I've tried to live my life as people who were around but aren't anymore would want me to, to not hold anything back, to be as honest and supportive of a person I can be. I've done some bad things, like driving people I loved away from me, being a bit selfish. However, I'm convinced that I'm not a bad person. I'm bad at geometry, but not at other things, like friendship. I've been an explemary friend, even when it's meant befriending someone no one wanted to be friends with, defending them from being called names, and even losing some of my own status. Despite me going in my pocket to make sure that my friends had lunch, enough money to get home and even paying the way for pretty much everything, not to mention shuttling their ass around without EVER getting a dime in gas money...you know what happens? Can you guess? I get called fake, phony, backstabbing, skanky and god only knows what else.
Now, it makes me laugh, because like my ex says, it's done out of jealousy and envy, but at first I was hurt. I wasn't surprised because I saw it coming...I mean, when you see a friend suck someone else's ass so much that they lose their identity...that they glop onto a person whose view of the world is completely fucked and this person is known for their distaste of you...it's only a matter of time before the second party becomes a mouthpiece for the first.
Regardless of all that, me being the good person I am, I try to extend an olive branch to basically try to understand why exactly this happened, and if I really did anything to merit such bad-mouthing. I get nothing in return, except some more jibber jabber. Talking to my ex and my hairdresser about it at the salon got the comment that 'psycho jealous little girls can't be reasoned with'.
So, to them I say, "If you have beef, come to my crib and say it to my face and take your ass whipping. Otherwise, leave me the hell alone, leave my name out your mouth and don't even spend time thinking about me."
Sigh...now that's done, I can say let go and let be. I won't speak on it anymore, and won't think of it anymore after this moment. Got bigger fish to fry so I'm going dancing.
Ashley Robin
Now, it makes me laugh, because like my ex says, it's done out of jealousy and envy, but at first I was hurt. I wasn't surprised because I saw it coming...I mean, when you see a friend suck someone else's ass so much that they lose their identity...that they glop onto a person whose view of the world is completely fucked and this person is known for their distaste of you...it's only a matter of time before the second party becomes a mouthpiece for the first.
Regardless of all that, me being the good person I am, I try to extend an olive branch to basically try to understand why exactly this happened, and if I really did anything to merit such bad-mouthing. I get nothing in return, except some more jibber jabber. Talking to my ex and my hairdresser about it at the salon got the comment that 'psycho jealous little girls can't be reasoned with'.
So, to them I say, "If you have beef, come to my crib and say it to my face and take your ass whipping. Otherwise, leave me the hell alone, leave my name out your mouth and don't even spend time thinking about me."
Sigh...now that's done, I can say let go and let be. I won't speak on it anymore, and won't think of it anymore after this moment. Got bigger fish to fry so I'm going dancing.
Ashley Robin
Thursday, June 8, 2006
Just Hanging with the Boys
Today's been a good day so far. I just came home to change and decided to pound something out before I head back out again, mainly because I've been getting emails asking me what's been up...I keep telling people to check the blog, no one listens..oh well.
Earlier last week, my ex's best friend was talking about going paintballing, and when he asked me how I liked it, I said I'd never been before, but I always wanted to go. He then told me that he was going to go some time next week (this week) with some of his buddies and asked if I wanted to go. Since he's a total sweetheart, and I'd never been, I said sure, why not.
This morning, they come to pick me up, and immediately from when my sleepy ex leans up from the backseat and hands me a sesame seed bagel and a vanilla soy latte...(he remembered!) I can tell it's gonna be a fun day. We get to the forest preserve, and we have a ball. I actually win the flag a couple of times and run around being silly until POW....right in the butt. According to the guys, it was a big target. HAHA....
No drama, no nothing. Just a bunch of us hanging out and being silly. No matter what will happen between me and my ex, these guys will be my buddies. They made sure to tell me that they thought I was cool and he knows I'm cool, so I'm welcome to hang with them anytime...which is weird since they don't really hang with girls too often, except when they are getting that QT time in. These six guys laugh, joke and are fun...they are so less complicated than girls.
Kevin came too...and he added a whole other level of laughter to the day...between his "You guys, I think I just shot bambi" bit to the "damn, is that a moose or is that tony's mom?" line...we just had a good time enjoying the day....and it's not over yet. I'm supposed to go meet them later, so i gotta get changed.
Kisses,
Ashley Robin
Earlier last week, my ex's best friend was talking about going paintballing, and when he asked me how I liked it, I said I'd never been before, but I always wanted to go. He then told me that he was going to go some time next week (this week) with some of his buddies and asked if I wanted to go. Since he's a total sweetheart, and I'd never been, I said sure, why not.
This morning, they come to pick me up, and immediately from when my sleepy ex leans up from the backseat and hands me a sesame seed bagel and a vanilla soy latte...(he remembered!) I can tell it's gonna be a fun day. We get to the forest preserve, and we have a ball. I actually win the flag a couple of times and run around being silly until POW....right in the butt. According to the guys, it was a big target. HAHA....
No drama, no nothing. Just a bunch of us hanging out and being silly. No matter what will happen between me and my ex, these guys will be my buddies. They made sure to tell me that they thought I was cool and he knows I'm cool, so I'm welcome to hang with them anytime...which is weird since they don't really hang with girls too often, except when they are getting that QT time in. These six guys laugh, joke and are fun...they are so less complicated than girls.
Kevin came too...and he added a whole other level of laughter to the day...between his "You guys, I think I just shot bambi" bit to the "damn, is that a moose or is that tony's mom?" line...we just had a good time enjoying the day....and it's not over yet. I'm supposed to go meet them later, so i gotta get changed.
Kisses,
Ashley Robin
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
News, Tattoo and Relationships
Been ghost..yet again. News is that I won't be in summer school because my school booted me outta my summer classes. So, i don't have to work like a dog to pay for them, but I've already gotten my loan check in the mail. It's gonna be a hard battle to not go and spend that shit, but I'm thinking I might invest a little of it, and see what happens. Never know, I could get my money back plus some.
I've decided to get another tattoo. I like my bird, but I've always wanted something relating to music, since I love it so much. In another life, I'll be a singer, I know it. I probably was Janis Joplin last time. (i do believe in reincarnation, btw, don't get it twisted) Anyway, I'm thinking of doing something with music, but something clever...I wish I could draw...i'd be a sketching fool right about now. I'm gonna get it done this summer, so when i do decide on it, it'll definitely be getting shown off...a lot.
I'm also going to go to NY at some point. I don't really care if I drive, fly, train it, whatever....I just am starting to feel like I need to go away. I need to get away from this city before I scream and get into a fight.
My ex boyfriend, Mr. Wonderful came by my house earlier tonight, wanting to talk, wanting me to know he wanted me back, saying he loved me and missed me and wanted a chance to do it all over again...and the sight of him was enough to have my heart all up in my throat. I felt like if I talked to him anymore, I'd be back with him, and for me and what I want for myself and my life, I'm not sure if that's good. We're standing out on my porch, talking and talking, and I start thinking about things, memories of things like being in his arms, the feeling of his lips on my forehead, what it felt like kissing him, rubbing his skin, braiding his hair and finally cutting it when he wanted it short again, the feeling of his hands in my hair when he washed it, the warmth of his breath on my feet when he painted my toes, the smell of his neck lulling me to sleep in his bed, and I realize that I'm starting to feel faint.
My heart feels so conflicted, never so much in that one moment about just going inside and not reuniting with him, or just crumbling into his arms the way I've seen in movies...and I look at him...and I start to cry. Mind you, I don't really cry. He's never seen me cry, so it shocks him and me at the same time. But it doesn't make the tears stop, they can't stop, for some reason...as if he's meant to see me this way and I'm meant to be. I just cry and cry and cry more. He stops talking, and just hugs me. And to be honest, a hug from him has never felt so good. I keep crying, but he's just there, not talking, hugging me and running his hands through my hair. I've never felt more loved, more safe and more...alive. And, honestly, I've never felt more confused.
I just don't know. He's left, and I'm here. With my thoughts. I'm confused. Sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. I think that's what made me cry, because no matter how much I love him....and how much he loves me....it just isn't enough.
Ashley Robin
P.S.- Today is Six-Six-Six....some say it's the devil's day. I think everyday has the potential to be devil's day, but just to be on the safe side, watch out for the crazies.
I've decided to get another tattoo. I like my bird, but I've always wanted something relating to music, since I love it so much. In another life, I'll be a singer, I know it. I probably was Janis Joplin last time. (i do believe in reincarnation, btw, don't get it twisted) Anyway, I'm thinking of doing something with music, but something clever...I wish I could draw...i'd be a sketching fool right about now. I'm gonna get it done this summer, so when i do decide on it, it'll definitely be getting shown off...a lot.
I'm also going to go to NY at some point. I don't really care if I drive, fly, train it, whatever....I just am starting to feel like I need to go away. I need to get away from this city before I scream and get into a fight.
My ex boyfriend, Mr. Wonderful came by my house earlier tonight, wanting to talk, wanting me to know he wanted me back, saying he loved me and missed me and wanted a chance to do it all over again...and the sight of him was enough to have my heart all up in my throat. I felt like if I talked to him anymore, I'd be back with him, and for me and what I want for myself and my life, I'm not sure if that's good. We're standing out on my porch, talking and talking, and I start thinking about things, memories of things like being in his arms, the feeling of his lips on my forehead, what it felt like kissing him, rubbing his skin, braiding his hair and finally cutting it when he wanted it short again, the feeling of his hands in my hair when he washed it, the warmth of his breath on my feet when he painted my toes, the smell of his neck lulling me to sleep in his bed, and I realize that I'm starting to feel faint.
My heart feels so conflicted, never so much in that one moment about just going inside and not reuniting with him, or just crumbling into his arms the way I've seen in movies...and I look at him...and I start to cry. Mind you, I don't really cry. He's never seen me cry, so it shocks him and me at the same time. But it doesn't make the tears stop, they can't stop, for some reason...as if he's meant to see me this way and I'm meant to be. I just cry and cry and cry more. He stops talking, and just hugs me. And to be honest, a hug from him has never felt so good. I keep crying, but he's just there, not talking, hugging me and running his hands through my hair. I've never felt more loved, more safe and more...alive. And, honestly, I've never felt more confused.
I just don't know. He's left, and I'm here. With my thoughts. I'm confused. Sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. I think that's what made me cry, because no matter how much I love him....and how much he loves me....it just isn't enough.
Ashley Robin
P.S.- Today is Six-Six-Six....some say it's the devil's day. I think everyday has the potential to be devil's day, but just to be on the safe side, watch out for the crazies.
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