Friday Five: Five Lessons Learned in Jail

Hey,

Today's Friday Five is about the Five Lessons Learned in Jail.

{My cousin's husband was a guest of the Florida State Correctional Facility, and when he was released, I asked him if he had any stories of interest about jail. From them, these lessons are derived.}

There are few experiences in life that teach you about your nature, that are both embarrassing and humbling, that are funny and sad, dramatic and fretful while seemingly boring and unforgettable than jail. Getting arrested, however, is not cool.

There is nothing funny or exciting or thrilling about being arrested. I promise, to all the kids looking to toughen up their resumes, jail time isn't it. Get into a street fight and then run like hell when/if the cops show up. Don't ever get arrested.

5- Talk is Cheap

The Bottom Line is, running your mouth to people you don't know and pretending like you got picked up for murder when you simply were disturbing the peace, trespassing or even jaywalking. Even pretending to be a badass is not cool. People know that isn't who you are OR why you are doing your bid. Something in the eyes, the way you walk, your confidence, whatever...they KNOW. People also know people who surely know YOU. I'm sure you are familiar with that bit that the comics do, where they pretend they are the baddest mofo on the planet, and act crazy...it doesn't work. Truth is, everyone in jail, especially in a County facility, is crazy. So pretending to be ain't smart at all. Matter of fact...that sh*t is for the birds.

4- If You Do Talk, Prepare to Back It Up

If you talk about how many asses you can kick in jail, then be assured someone will try to test you. If you try to back down, then you'll get it. FOR REAL. And the guards ain't there to break up sh*t. They will sit and watch and laugh at you getting yo' ass beat, just because you said you were the baddest mofo on your block.

3- If Someone Asks For Your Biscuit, Eat It. Even If You Don't Want It.

In jail, food is synonymous with the social hierarchy. If you give up any food to anyone, that person becomes higher than you on the hierarchy, and you become their footstool. (or their b*tch) So, if you ain't hungry, don't willingly give that ish away. Let them 'hungry' mofos get it out the garbage. Peeing on it beforehand is optional.

2- Songs about Being a Convict Might be Funny, But ACTUALLY BEING a Convict Ain't No Joke, Kid.

Akon might sing somewhat funny songs about being Locked Up and how they "won't let him out", but actually BEING locked up is no laughing matter. Once those bars slam home, and you know that you can't freely roam around, go to look out your window if you want, or even take a late night stroll..it's real. You are no longer you, but a piece of property belonging to that correctional facility. The Smoking Gun says that Akon is no felon, so why would you want to be?

1- In Jail, Time takes on a Different Meaning.

When all you can do is wait on a certain amount of time, it takes ten times as long to arrive. It can take a lot of sanity to deal with it, and in doing so, many people form hobbies. Some carve chess pieces, (like in Shawshank Redemption), other people brutualize people (like in Shawshank Redemption) and other people work out and get super buff. Regardless of that, jail time is lonely, unforgiving and unforgettable.

In Jail, only Boggs will hear you scream...

SO STAY THE HELL OUT OF JAIL! 

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*