love my mother to all death. For years, I've seen her as the picture of health. She's always been healthy, never anything major, except the yearly bout with bronchitis, and that one time where she had walking pneumonia like I did....but, other than that, she rarely has anything worse than a headache. So, when we went to the dermatology clinic about this mild rash I got on my forehead from a reaction to something used in a facial (weird, right?) my mom started asking questions about getting a few moles around her neck removed. She's had these moles since forever. I named them all as a kid and used to actually like the feeling of them touching me as I would snuggle my face into the fold of her neck. Not because I'm weird, but because if I closed my eyes, I'd feel those moles and know it was her. Kinda like a blind taste test, those moles helped me identify her.
Anyway, the doctor looks at one mole and instead of trying to remove it, says she needs a biopsy. Well, I've been down that road before, we all know what a biopsy is...he basically says he's afraid it might be cancerous. I look at my mom, and I start freaking..."Mom's got cancer? What? Are you shitting me? Seriously?" and getting upset. I'm thinking that sometimes she gets on my last nerve, sometimes I want to shake her, sometimes I wish she'd leave me alone and quit meddling in my life, sometimes I want to get away from her, sometimes she annoys the hell out of me but I don't want her to have cancer. I don't think I could take it, and I don't want her to deal with any pain, especially none that I can't take from her. She's my mom.
So the doctor does the biopsy, and we get told we'll know the results in a week. We head back today, (A week later) and get told she does have a precancerous condition, that if untreated could become a form of skin cancer. I FREAK....big time. Mom's not supposed to be ill, she's supposed to protect me, keep me safe and watch over my grandbabies...and what if she's not around to see them? What if this takes her from me? I can't do life without her..and I start crying, getting blubbery and she starts crying because I'm crying...when really....all in all...she doesn't have cancer. Sigh. We never laughed so hard, and honestly, I've never felt closer to her. But, I've never been that scared.
I'm relieved. Relieved big time. Mom, don't die, ever. Or else, I'll kill you.
A Loving Daughter
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Hating Idiots But Loving The New Perspective
getting lasik was probably the best thing i've done for myself in a while. well, other than getting things resolved with my ex, who's probably one of my best friends now, and my car. but, that's another point. anyway, for all those who are interested in doing it, definitely do your research. there's a lot of pre-op stuff you have to do to maintain your eyes, but the perks are well worth it. it's annoying as hell, to being eating a meal with someone and you're like, "oop, it's 230, gotta put my pink drops in..." but to see 20/15 out of both eyes one day after the operation....it's a miracle. lights in darkness still kinda get me, they have these glows around them, doc calls them halos, but says it should be temporary. I was so out of it yesterday, all I really did was lay around and eat a mini dump cake mom made to comfort me. My ex came over and got in the bed with me, and i slept for about six hours like that. he left after about four hours, when he had to go to work, and when i woke up from my name, with all the sensitivity and irritation practically gone, mom says that she thinks he's still in love with me. whether or not he'll ever tell me is another issue, but....that's not really the point of this.
the point is, my new vision has given me a way to see things more clearly. it's like someone took all the blinders off, literally. all the bullshit of the past, is just that. trifling people and their situations are just that too, bullshit. everyone knows a blog is for venting, so i vent. if you don't like it, don't read it. a while ago, someone said that my ex and i weren't going to work out because they didn't think he was committed to me. well, turns out they are just jealous. i didn't say that either...my ex did. most of the clarity i've gotten comes from talking to him about lots of things and people that i probably wouldn't have if we'd still been together as a couple. it's interesting how independence from a relationship allows you to just be totally open with a person. now, i can definitely say that he knows the real me.
I hate idiots. Pretentious ones, fake ones, idiots that don't realize they are idiots, idiots that pretend so much to be smart that they actually believe it...all that bull. I was talking to my friend Audrey, who's a bit of a reality dose, and she said that they're taking over the world. sad, but true. and to think, for a while, i was so hurt by the actions of idiots in my life that i let it affect my mojo. my mojo is unbreakable....which, lol, is coming on abc saturday. yay!
I'm single, but i'm pretty sure i won't be for too much longer. i got a feeling that something's coming. Made an appointment to get some new shots of myself taken without the glasses, to officially mark the end of that era. I'm so excited to see what the world has to bring. Haters only motivate, so bring it on. As i said before, 'Assholes can kick rocks two times on a hard beat!" (it's a music thing...lol)
XOXO,
Ashley Robin
the point is, my new vision has given me a way to see things more clearly. it's like someone took all the blinders off, literally. all the bullshit of the past, is just that. trifling people and their situations are just that too, bullshit. everyone knows a blog is for venting, so i vent. if you don't like it, don't read it. a while ago, someone said that my ex and i weren't going to work out because they didn't think he was committed to me. well, turns out they are just jealous. i didn't say that either...my ex did. most of the clarity i've gotten comes from talking to him about lots of things and people that i probably wouldn't have if we'd still been together as a couple. it's interesting how independence from a relationship allows you to just be totally open with a person. now, i can definitely say that he knows the real me.
I hate idiots. Pretentious ones, fake ones, idiots that don't realize they are idiots, idiots that pretend so much to be smart that they actually believe it...all that bull. I was talking to my friend Audrey, who's a bit of a reality dose, and she said that they're taking over the world. sad, but true. and to think, for a while, i was so hurt by the actions of idiots in my life that i let it affect my mojo. my mojo is unbreakable....which, lol, is coming on abc saturday. yay!
I'm single, but i'm pretty sure i won't be for too much longer. i got a feeling that something's coming. Made an appointment to get some new shots of myself taken without the glasses, to officially mark the end of that era. I'm so excited to see what the world has to bring. Haters only motivate, so bring it on. As i said before, 'Assholes can kick rocks two times on a hard beat!" (it's a music thing...lol)
XOXO,
Ashley Robin
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
A Missing Corpse..(Yeah, I'm For Real)
A True and Funny Story...Depends on Your Sense of Humor
While I was leaving out of Social Science, my girl Raven sends me a text message telling me that her cadaver (she's taking Human Anatomy and they use actual cadavers...go figure) has up and disappeared. Well, it looks as if no one seems to have any idea where it is, that a cadaver and the gurney it rests on has gone totally AWOL, MIA, whatever you want to call it. When I get to the fourth floor for Geography, I decided to go into another professor's class to say hello to my friend for a second before class starts, and I'm not in the room two minutes when I suddenly see this gurney go whizzing past, outside the doorway, in the hall. I look at my friend with the "did you just see what i saw?" face and we both hop up, trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly, there's this piercingly loud scream, which sounds like it's coming from the third floor (the floor below where I currently was) and all I hear is laughing from the other side of the hall of the floor I'm on. So, I look and figure it was nothing, when I see some of the basketball team guys walking down the hall. They tell me this story that they were walking past the classroom in which Human Anatomy is taught, and a cadaver was in the room, all wrapped up and alone. laying on a gurney. So they get the smart idea to wheel the gurney into the hall and just push it down, to really screw with people. You can tell these boys don't have much to do.
Anyway, they get it out in the hall, and shove it down as hard as four of them can...and it ends up in the elevator with this girl named Courtney, who if you all knew her would say is a huge crybaby. Anyway, she ends up getting out on the third floor, not before screaming her head off, and pushing it out of the elevator, so it's on the third floor somewhere. Turns out, about an hour later, they can't find it, so someone gets the bright idea to get on the PA system and page the cadaver....like it could really answer. Sigh, I don't think the world is too bright. They ended up finding it though, on the second floor somewhere. Raven was just happy because she didn't have to look at it today, since it was her cadaver and told those guys that they should try to kidnap it more often.
Overall, morbidly amusing, but seeing Courtney freak was definitely hilarious! I'm gonna laugh at her scream for a while...it's obvious that I don't like her...she can't stand me either, fyi.
Ashley Robin
While I was leaving out of Social Science, my girl Raven sends me a text message telling me that her cadaver (she's taking Human Anatomy and they use actual cadavers...go figure) has up and disappeared. Well, it looks as if no one seems to have any idea where it is, that a cadaver and the gurney it rests on has gone totally AWOL, MIA, whatever you want to call it. When I get to the fourth floor for Geography, I decided to go into another professor's class to say hello to my friend for a second before class starts, and I'm not in the room two minutes when I suddenly see this gurney go whizzing past, outside the doorway, in the hall. I look at my friend with the "did you just see what i saw?" face and we both hop up, trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly, there's this piercingly loud scream, which sounds like it's coming from the third floor (the floor below where I currently was) and all I hear is laughing from the other side of the hall of the floor I'm on. So, I look and figure it was nothing, when I see some of the basketball team guys walking down the hall. They tell me this story that they were walking past the classroom in which Human Anatomy is taught, and a cadaver was in the room, all wrapped up and alone. laying on a gurney. So they get the smart idea to wheel the gurney into the hall and just push it down, to really screw with people. You can tell these boys don't have much to do.
Anyway, they get it out in the hall, and shove it down as hard as four of them can...and it ends up in the elevator with this girl named Courtney, who if you all knew her would say is a huge crybaby. Anyway, she ends up getting out on the third floor, not before screaming her head off, and pushing it out of the elevator, so it's on the third floor somewhere. Turns out, about an hour later, they can't find it, so someone gets the bright idea to get on the PA system and page the cadaver....like it could really answer. Sigh, I don't think the world is too bright. They ended up finding it though, on the second floor somewhere. Raven was just happy because she didn't have to look at it today, since it was her cadaver and told those guys that they should try to kidnap it more often.
Overall, morbidly amusing, but seeing Courtney freak was definitely hilarious! I'm gonna laugh at her scream for a while...it's obvious that I don't like her...she can't stand me either, fyi.
Ashley Robin
Workin Up a Black Sweat~
Been forever since I posted, right? Lol, as you can see...I've been busy. I got a new job working for Apple...it's part-time while I'm in school, and part-time during the summer, but it manages to keep me busy. I like the challenges and the work, so far. The perks, are AWESOME. I just went to pick up my laptop...it's a brand new Macbook...and it kicks so much ass. I mean, really. I'm elated to have it. I'm also getting lasik eye surgery on Thursday, at 9am, so bye-bye glasses...hopefully for a long, long, long time. lol. It excites me, knowing that I'll be able to say bye-bye to glasses, and hello to contact sports, swimming, wrestling, all that...
Went to St. Louis, to see a wedding, Phantom of the Opera, my granny's gravesite and her house. Phantom was great, phenomenal actually, the wedding was....interesting, and my granny's gravesite's probably the most tranquil and wonderful place I've ever been to. I didn't want to leave. I just sat beside her, talking to her, telling her everything I could think of, and then when I couldn't think of anymore to say, I just put my arms around her gravestone and laid my face next to the inscription. I've never felt more at peace....and honestly, if St. Louis wasn't such a bummy ass city, I'd move there just so I could feel that on a daily basis. I felt her spirit, essence, life force, whatever the hell you wanna call it...it was there. And it was so soothing....honestly.
After that, we got a reality check when we went on a mad search for her house and found out it had been bulldozed and a strip mall, specifically a Wal-Mart Tire & Lube Express sits where her house used to be. So the place where people go for oil changes, used to be my granny's kitchen. It's kinda sad because I can remember being in that house...vaguely since i was little...helping my aunt and granny make apple pie. Now, it's where brake pads are replaced. Made me sad. I threw a soygurt container at the wall, and ran. LOL, I wasn't trying to get arrested....not in that racist town, but I'll get to that later.
Then, we went to see the Phantom of the Opera, performed by the Broadway cast. Talk about amazing...everyone could sing, was so talented, and beautiful. And the costumes! Talk about fabulous. Everyone that knows me knows I LOVE that opera, it's my favorite, so I was like a little kid watching the whole thing...eyes wide open, jaw hanging down, tongue wagging, drooling...okay, well maybe not drooling, but you get the point. The guy that played the Phantom had the best voice....and he had everyone crying when he sang his reprise of "All I Ask of You", which is the most beautiful song ever. So beautiful in fact, every time I hear it I get a little choked up and find it so perfect that I'm making it my official wedding song. Don't laugh. Listen to it and see what I mean.
After the Phantom, the weekend was pretty much done in St. Louis. We went to brunch at the Puck cafe in the St. Louis Art Museum and got a dose of racism. Not subtle, either...it was pretty blatant. I was kinda upset, because I'm not a mean-looking kinda person..not that it matters, racism in any aspect is horrible...but we ended up tag-teaming the waitress, cussing out the manager and leaving. We ended up having lunch in the Central West End, the Hyde Park-esque neighborhood in St. Louis. Then, it was onto the wedding, which was nice, but not really memorable. The bride and groom were happy, so that was the most important thing....
After that, we came back to Chicago, got a little sick due to all the sun, recooperated, and then Lisa came to visit for the weekend. We ended up going clubbin, hanging out at the beach, getting good food at the Taste, seeing a play at Chi State, and then going to visit my ex. That's always interesting, watching the two of them interact. After she left Sunday, it's been work, work, work and some stuff I had to do for school. Now, I'll be working nonstop until school starts...but hey, I can't complain. I love the challenge. Speaking of which, I gotta go take care of some things before I get to have my lunch of sushi.
Stay positive,
Ashley Robin
P.S.- In two days, well, less than that, actually, because I'll have had it this time Thursday, yours truly will be having Lasik eye surgery. I'm not nervous at all, just looking forward to being rid of my glasses. I'll post throughout Thursday or Friday on how it all went and what my progress and recovery time is so if you're considering it, you'll have a firsthand account.
Went to St. Louis, to see a wedding, Phantom of the Opera, my granny's gravesite and her house. Phantom was great, phenomenal actually, the wedding was....interesting, and my granny's gravesite's probably the most tranquil and wonderful place I've ever been to. I didn't want to leave. I just sat beside her, talking to her, telling her everything I could think of, and then when I couldn't think of anymore to say, I just put my arms around her gravestone and laid my face next to the inscription. I've never felt more at peace....and honestly, if St. Louis wasn't such a bummy ass city, I'd move there just so I could feel that on a daily basis. I felt her spirit, essence, life force, whatever the hell you wanna call it...it was there. And it was so soothing....honestly.
After that, we got a reality check when we went on a mad search for her house and found out it had been bulldozed and a strip mall, specifically a Wal-Mart Tire & Lube Express sits where her house used to be. So the place where people go for oil changes, used to be my granny's kitchen. It's kinda sad because I can remember being in that house...vaguely since i was little...helping my aunt and granny make apple pie. Now, it's where brake pads are replaced. Made me sad. I threw a soygurt container at the wall, and ran. LOL, I wasn't trying to get arrested....not in that racist town, but I'll get to that later.
Then, we went to see the Phantom of the Opera, performed by the Broadway cast. Talk about amazing...everyone could sing, was so talented, and beautiful. And the costumes! Talk about fabulous. Everyone that knows me knows I LOVE that opera, it's my favorite, so I was like a little kid watching the whole thing...eyes wide open, jaw hanging down, tongue wagging, drooling...okay, well maybe not drooling, but you get the point. The guy that played the Phantom had the best voice....and he had everyone crying when he sang his reprise of "All I Ask of You", which is the most beautiful song ever. So beautiful in fact, every time I hear it I get a little choked up and find it so perfect that I'm making it my official wedding song. Don't laugh. Listen to it and see what I mean.
After the Phantom, the weekend was pretty much done in St. Louis. We went to brunch at the Puck cafe in the St. Louis Art Museum and got a dose of racism. Not subtle, either...it was pretty blatant. I was kinda upset, because I'm not a mean-looking kinda person..not that it matters, racism in any aspect is horrible...but we ended up tag-teaming the waitress, cussing out the manager and leaving. We ended up having lunch in the Central West End, the Hyde Park-esque neighborhood in St. Louis. Then, it was onto the wedding, which was nice, but not really memorable. The bride and groom were happy, so that was the most important thing....
After that, we came back to Chicago, got a little sick due to all the sun, recooperated, and then Lisa came to visit for the weekend. We ended up going clubbin, hanging out at the beach, getting good food at the Taste, seeing a play at Chi State, and then going to visit my ex. That's always interesting, watching the two of them interact. After she left Sunday, it's been work, work, work and some stuff I had to do for school. Now, I'll be working nonstop until school starts...but hey, I can't complain. I love the challenge. Speaking of which, I gotta go take care of some things before I get to have my lunch of sushi.
Stay positive,
Ashley Robin
P.S.- In two days, well, less than that, actually, because I'll have had it this time Thursday, yours truly will be having Lasik eye surgery. I'm not nervous at all, just looking forward to being rid of my glasses. I'll post throughout Thursday or Friday on how it all went and what my progress and recovery time is so if you're considering it, you'll have a firsthand account.
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