So I've been asked to write my first list. It's a list of things I don't like. I'm doing it totally off the cuff and with no real thought to it, to keep it as random and honest as possible. Here goes.
1-Bad breath. Seems simple enough, but the smell of rotting meat makes me vomit, even moreso if it is coming from someone's mouth.
2-John InSain. He's old, he's a liar, and he's Republican.
3-Talking on the phone. Usually most people who call me have no real point to the conversation, and unless I really like you, I try not to stay on the phone too long. Maybe that'll change when I get a bluetooth.
4-Beans. I hate beans because they remind me too much of the pods from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. That, and most people get really gassy after eating them..which is not cool.
5-Hypocrites. If you are say something, mean it. If you don't, then don't say it. I'll beat a hypocrite up real quick.
6-Thieves. I'm still looking for the person who stole my bike, vandalized my car and tried to snatch my mom's purse. If I even get a gut feeling that they are around, I'm going to snap.
7-Bible Thumpers. While I'm all for religion, and I am happy for you if you love it, but do not force me to drink the kool-aid.
8-Polls. No one has ever called me to ask me my opinion on anything but what alcohol I like to drink, or what clubs I go to...nothing substantial. Therefore, I tend not to believe a single one.
9-Telemarketers. I HATE them! They always call on some bull, they don't understand no, and now they want to start leaving messages on voicemail! GOD!
10-The black guy in the Head-On ads. I don't know why, he just freaks me out.
11-Send offs. Everyone has been sent off at least once, whether by a friend, relative, potential significant other, period. It's just as bad as being a hypocrite, though.
12-Internet stalkers. People who literally sign on just to see if you're online, then send you messages of randomness for hours, even when you tell them you're busy.
The artist looks like a Boogie Bear, and is no one's Mack. Sorry.
14- Police. Enough said.
15- People getting donations for moral causes. I don't like them because if you're broke, it's just unacceptable to them. They will sit and tell you that you are a shitty person, just because you can't afford to give them the $200 donation that they're asking for. Dude, I live in Englewood, one of the lowest-income neighborhoods in Chicago. Do some damn geo-tracking before you call me, and please assume that I'm broke!
16- My dad. I love my dad, but I don't like him much. Why? Because he's too much like me and I'm an asshole. So just imagine a 79 year old, 6'1 retired Jamaican who is an asshole. With a potty mouth. Yep, not too popular.
17- Chicago State University. I go there, but I am starting to detest that school. Enough that, I probably will become one of many alumni who don't go back or give back. Terrible, I know, but I don't want any more nightmares.
18- Cilantro and Oregano. Cilantro tastes like soap and Oregano like pencil lead. Put any near my food and you will get slapped, and QUICK.
19- Superstitious people. I walk under ladders, I own a black cat, I've broken a mirror or two and I step on cracks. My mom's back isn't broken, and I've yet to have bad luck. Wait, I got into a car accident, fractured my wrist, almost got assaulted...ok, let's move on.
20- Lames that try to be cool. If you're lame, be lame. Don't try to be cool, because all it means is that you're even more lame. I admit wholeheartedly that I can be the biggest dork, but I'm me. I don't deny my dorky-ness or my corny jokes. It's just me, and that's who I want everyone else to be...100 percent, who they are.
Thoughts? Send me your list...
*Ashley Robin*
