In Honor of Father's Day

Hey,

I know I haven't written in a while, and have pretty much lost most of my following as a result...which sucks...but I'm working on it. I've got more time on my hands now, and so I can spend more time writing. The blogs about Europe are coming, I promise, but for now... I can give something more amusing.

Now, I'm on twitter as @ashleyrobin. Follow me, I promise I tweet often enough to make it interesting. But in honor of Father's Day, the holiday to honor all the real fathers out there, I tweeted a bunch of Trending Topics in regards to growing up with my father, who I love to death.

The topic I used was #irememberwhen... so just for you, I am posting all the tweets I wrote. My mom can attest to them being true and accurate. If you knew my dad, you'd know I wasn't bullshitting or exaggerating. Enjoy!

The #irememberwhen Tweets

In honor of my dad, I'm doing a trending topic based on stuff that happened with him when I was growing up called #irememberwhen. here we go

#irememberwhen my dad was yelling for me (i was in the park), walking up & down the street in a silk robe (open) with boxers & pink slippers

#irememberwhen my dad asked me what i'd been eating because my butt had gotten so big. *FACEPALM*

#irememberwhen after I was crying about being flatchested my dad told me I should be happy b/c I'd never have to worry about them sagging

#irememberwhen my dad took me to the circus & was catcalling at the acrobats. "Can I take u home & show you how to bend those legs?" *FAIL*

#irememberwhen after I told my dad I wasn't a virgin anymore, he sarcastically said, "Oh, that's such a shocker" *FACEPALM*

#irememberwhen i told my dad I had a serious boyfriend, & he didn't ask anything, he said, "Dont get pregnant. I aint supportin no bastards"

#irememberwhen I asked my dad if he had a girlfriend & he said, "I'm 78 years old, who the hell am i gonna be fukkin?"

#irememberwhen dad asked me if I could rub his back b/c he was constipated. I told him no. I asked him for $$. guess what he said.

#irememberwhen a local boy asked my dad if he could walk with me as I walked my dog. My dad pulled a loaded gun on him. we were both 12.

#irememberwhen my dad took me to coney island & we saw a prostitute on the boardwalk givin head. I asked "what's she doin" he said "her job"

#irememberwhen my dad & i went to the res. people didn't have shoes. he said they sold their soles for alcohol. so i started crying for them

#irememberwhen he told me to stop crying for them, rubber was cheap. I thought he meant SOULS. He said they were all going to hell anyway

#irememberwhen my dad retired from his job & i asked him what he was going to do w/his time. His response: "watch oprah & porn"

#irememberwhen my dad yelled @ me for listening to hiphop music & not appreciating jazz. i went into his room & he's watching THE BOX!

#irememberwhen I asked him what he was watching on tv, and he told me "shut up, you don't know shit...go get me an ice cream"

#irememberwhen I asked my dad who he would wanna fight, Batman or Superman, he said, "Your mother"

#irememberwhen i used to ask my mother if she was sure this psycho really was my dad. She said, w/her head hanging low, "yes"

#irememberwhen i told my dad i was dropping out of college & wanted his support. He said, "Sure, if u want me to support u being a failure"

#irememberwhen when i got my wisdom teeth pulled after surgery & half drugged i had to go find my dad 2 sign me out he was asleep in the car

#irememberwhen we got home from surgery, & i asked him to make me some soup, he said, "get it urself, i aint ur maid" i cried & called mom

#irememberwhen she asked to speak to him, & then he was making me soup, tea, coffee...even offered to help me change into my pajamas

#irememberwhen my dad would talk all this mess about my mom, & then when she'd come around, he'd be EXTRA quiet.

#irememberwhen I asked my dad y he didnt say all that stuff 2 my mom,& he told me to shut up. I laughed. He locked me out the house

#irememberwhen i realized laughing at my dad for being a punk around my mom wasn't funny when it started to get cold. he let me in tho

#irememberwhen someone asked my dad why he drank evaporated milk in his coffee b/c it ws for babies. he said, "i ain't no baby, bitch!"

#irememberwhen i asked my dad if he ever believd in santa claus. he said "no, i believed in the pull out method" he's got 6 kids. *FAIL*

#irememberwhen i was so proud b/c i'd made the Dean's List & wanted my dad to know. He said, "ash, i know ur smart. it's ugly to brag"

#irememberwhen my dad told me i could do whatever i wanted as long as I ended up in NY. in Queens. In St. Albans. In his basement. With him.

#irememberwhen my dad got a mysterious 'free' cell phone in the mail. I asked him who sent it, he said, "The white man." *FACEPALM*

#irememberwhen my dad said he was getting his name on the Native American Wall in DC. That's nice but my dad is Jamaican. Accent & everythin

#irememberwhen i asked my dad to get me some feminine napkins at the drugstore. he came home with a roll of pink paper towels.

#irememberwhen my mom told me she once dated Billy Dee Williams. So I renounced my crazy father & was calling myself Ashley Dee Williams

#irememberwhen I asked my dad why we never went out anywhere to eat. So he took me to iHop & asked, "Now is the princess happy?" I wasn't.

#irememberwhen my dad asked me to take my makeup off @ the movie b/c he wanted to see if he could pay the child rate... #extracheap

#irememberwhen my dad last ordered my food for me at the restaurant. he proceeded to cut my chicken up for me. wait, he still does that.

#irememberwhen i asked dad about having guys over. he said, "when ur kids have more sex than u, u feel like shit. U'll see when ur married "

#irememberwhen i told dad i was going to tell his ppl at the res he was jamaican. he said, "treachery is rewarded with death" & looked at me

#irememberwhen my dad asked me where his dad's day gift was. I told him w/my bday present (none). He said, "I guess u must not want this $$"

#irememberwhen i hung up the phone & found a card and sent it to him asap. He called me & said, "Nice card, but i aint sending u shit"

***Just some of my memories with my dad, who I love to death. ****

Kisses,

A.