Back Again for the 2nd Time

Hey,

I know I have not posted in a while, but a lot (and believe me when I say a lot) has been going on in my life. So many misadventures to tell you about, I hardly know where to begin.

I hate to say it, but the past two weeks have been strange. I find myself constantly on the move, busy with things, and between schoolwork, catching up on sleep and trying to get my head back into the academic game, I'm dragging. Not really sure why, but Im just not getting the sleep I want, I don't have the energy or passion I need to function, and Im just..drained and bored.

I just found out today that my May graduation has been pushed to December. Why? Because of a god***n technicality. Nothing else. So I have two options, be pissed about it OR take advantage of my situation. I'm going to do the latter. I've decided to stay on at my school for the Fall Semester, and take some additional classes that can help me if I choose to go into a Masters/JD Program. I also am still taking my trip, and getting my bike. Nothing stops. I have learned to not stress myself with things out of my control, and unfortunately, my advisor not being the least bit accommodating, is one of them.

I have an internship in the PR Department of a local hospital. I enjoy it, but I'm always so damn tired...and it seems as if my presence is the bane of the Department Coordinator's existence. I try to do my job as best as I can, but some people just ain't morning people. I seem to be one of them. Not a morning person, but one of the night people, I mean.

Im getting an iPhone tomorrow as a late Christmas gift to myself, so I'll be able to blog more as I go about my day. I promise not to have such a lag in it.

Sad day about Blago being impeached, kicked out of office and banned from holding any Illinois office as long as he lives. I, being someone who loves the law, believes in being innocent until proven guilty. I think that he should have resigned, and while he did not want to do that, there is someone who could have gotten the message through to him that the cards were stacked against him. Honestly, I've liked Blago. Any man who can personally ask me for my vote as I ride in my car and even lean out his Black SUV and down into my droptop convertible to shake my hand at a stop light at 67th and Cottage Grove is my governor, plain and simple.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Dream a Little Dream...

Hey,

Today is a sad day. I realized that today I put a wall up when it comes to people. Not just in my relationships, but friendships and whatnot. I'm very guarded, which is something that was hard for me to admit. So, I'm sad. I believe that I've always allowed myself to be an asshole, someone who listened and never spoke, and when I did speak, the words weren't as honest as the words I'd heard from others. Oh, I've known for a long time that I'm an asshole in certain ways, and that I, like most people, can be pretty self-serving, but in this time that I've spent stress-free, I've had the chance to learn about myself, and know more about the girl who stares back at me when I look in the mirror. 

First, she's not a girl, she's a woman. A woman who knows what she wants, and when she wants it. A woman who won't settle, who will do anything for her family and who is loyal to her friends to a fault. A woman who finds humor in the crude, wise and intellectual things, and who gets her kicks from reading about policy law. A woman who is learning to smile more, to be more open and to not hold herself to some incredibly high standard, a standard so high that she doesn't even hold others to it. It's unrealistic for them, and now, as I've learned, is unrealistic for me. There is no formula to life, and there is no appropriate time to do things, except when the time feels right and the stars are aligned. (If you believe in that sort of thing)

So, I'll learn to dream a little, to not worry about having a plan and to move forward naturally, not because of pressure from others, the outside world and the need to feel as if whatever I'm doing is 'acceptable'. 

On A More Personal Note, I forgot to mention...

Happy Belated Birthday Aaliyah Dana Haughton, who would have been celebrating her 30th birthday, January 16th, 2009. 

I miss her a lot...she truly was an angel on earth, heaven sent. 

Rest Forever in Heaven, and Rest In Peace.

Love You.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Today Would Have Been:

Hey,

Today, I'm a bit bummed. I know that I am bummed and blue because of many different reasons. One of the reasons is that I have to return to school on Tuesday (Wednesday if I can get the okay to watch the Inauguration). I'm not looking forward to school mainly because I have spent more time stressed there then anywhere else. Last semester was so rough for me, emotionally, just because a lot of drama happened. And ironically, most of the drama was not my doing, for a change. I was unwillingly pulled into a situation that was out of my control and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. Because it happened, I was accused of having part in its creation, and the drama followed me as a result of that accusation. It sucked, and I looked forward to the break to just get away from it. And I did. While I didn't travel anywhere major, I was absolutely stress-free. I enjoyed talking to my dad, hanging out with my mom, sipping hot toddies and watching Jerry Springer. I'm sad to say goodbye to that time.

Another reason I'm bummed is because of the weather. When it gets cold, I tend to just retreat into myself, and not really want to do much of anything. I find that I get bored with being in the house, but unable to push myself into the world. It's a weird limbo that I live in, and while I don't like it, I find comfort in it. However, this cold is unlike anything I've ever seen. It moves, it breathes, and it just turns people into....assholes. Today, I was out in the cold, trying my best to be polite to people, and not only did some man try to steal my shopping cart at the store, in his efforts to take the cart (which had my cell phone and keys in it) he pushed me into the snow. I was lucky in that I could grab my stuff before he disappeared into the store, but what if I'd been unable? I was shouting at him that I'd grabbed the cart, but he didn't care. At all. I wasn't hurt by it emotionally or physically, but it was just the rudeness that hit me just like the cold. Hard, insensitive and unrelenting.

I'm also going through a stage where in my recovery of my past relationship that I begin to feel sorry for myself. Overall, mainly because it looks like I'll have a whole year after graduation to kill before I go to law school. And I know that in that year, time may go by slowly or fast, depending on what I am doing with myself. For example, my mom asked me when I was going to start dating again, and I had to excuse myself so that I wouldn't cry. Pathetic, I know, but I'm just feeling a little off center. I've not had much luck with relationships, and I'm starting to feel like I'm not meant to. And before anyone says it, I'm not whining, or even looking. I guess it's the inertia of my life, the uncertainty of what's to come. I can plan my semester, even a few weeks or so after, but the rest...remains unknown. With the job market being even more depressing and unrelenting than the cold, it just seems like next year, I'll be doing nothing but blogging and writing. Which is okay, but unless I get some crazy idea to make an income off of it or join a cult start work for PrePaid Legal it won't pay my student loans. 

Thank god for Forbearance!

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Friday Five: Five Thoughts to Keep in Mind When Approaching a Woman

Hey,

So it took me a little while longer than usual to come up with my list for this Friday and is actually getting posted late..(my bad). It's my gift to men, and it's the five thoughts to keep in your mind when you approach a woman. This list does not apply to men looking to seek the boughetto, one-nighter or 'popped' woman. No disrespect to them, but this is the list for a man who has an intelligent, articulate, wife-type in his sights.

5- Frumpy= Dirty+ Smelly, therefore Frumpy= U Solo.

Men should understand that women are not naive. Generally, most of us are interested in a man with a command for the English language. So walking up and speaking gibberish like, "sup lil mama, u lookin gud in dat dere dereons, nowhaimean shawty? what up!" is bound to get you the "what the hell" face? Just as how you speak is important, how you look is just as, if not more so, important. I only say that due to the fact that most people base their first impressions of people not on what is said, but by what they see. Even if your vocabulary is on point, and you show her that you were not required to ride the short bus to school as a kid, that you didn't need special tutoring to learn how to "read good", if you look like a lame ass, Cash Money records reject, you will get shot down more times than not. If you want a girl who is not ghetto, white tees, gold fronts, Timberlands, and fake gold chains are not what's hot. Neither is hot breath, dirt stains, yellow teeth and uncombed hair. You have to dress the part to get the girl you want. Now, if any of the aforementioned is what you are, that leads us to Thought #4.

4- Be Yourself, even if That Self is an Ass.

If you are a nasty, grimy, stank-breath having, car bumming, broke, jobless, aimless, lazy, freeloading mama's boy, then you need to go after women who will want to take care of you. Likewise, if you are a guy who takes three hours to get dressed for a function, whose eyebrows are perfectly arched all the time, and who is often asked questions about his sexuality, then you need someone ready to handle that also. Also, if you are uneducated, unintelligent, and obnoxious, you need someone to be supportive of that. I can only say that presenting the woman of your choice with who you are from the moment you met her is vital, simply because it prevents drama from happening later. *Drama, for example, being a pot of hot grits thrown on you, something that is best known to have happened to legendary singer Al Green. 

3- Being a Know it All is NOT Attractive. Shut Up and Listen.

Albert Einstein was a genius. However, even he got crappy grades. How does that relate to your approach? Well, men who seem to know it all don't wind up with the girl. While it is great to look well versed and know what you are talking about (you don't want to come off as an idiot) you don't want to seem to battle her for the title of "Most Intelligent Person in the World" within a few days or outings with her. It's all about listening and observing, allowing her to control the conversation, simply because you learn more about her, and you also show that you don't need to be in the driver's seat every single time you interact. It also helps to let her stay within her comfort level, and trying to "teach" her about something may backfire because it can drag her, kicking and screaming out of it.

2- Confidence is JUST Like Cologne. Too Little, You Can Barely Notice It. Too Much, and It's Way Overpowering.

There is a need for cologne and confidence. However, you have to know when to stop putting on both the confidence AND the cologne. Some men use being overconfident as a crutch because they can rely on it to round out their nerves. Others use lack of confidence to come off as genuine, and 'real'. However, both approaches to it can be wrong, depending on how you play it. Women can detect it, however, so keep in mind that your confidence level counts. You should know in your mind that this woman is going to want to get to know you, but she shouldn't realize that you know this. Subtle, my Rhett Butler in training, is the key word. 

1- As Play said, Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Ice Cube said it too. In those cases, it meant threats of harm of some kind. In this case, it means, make sure you are together physically and mentally before you step out and try to get the attention of the young lady. Make sure your hair is neat, breath is fresh, that you smell right, that your clothes are clean, as are your nails and that you have means to get her information. New school: cell phone. Old school: paper and pen. Just make sure you look nice, that you know what you are going to say and how you are going to say it, as well as the impression you want to leave. Don't dally, don't stutter, don't slur, don't drool, don't fidget aimlessly and don't, WHATEVER YOU DO, don't look off into the distance during the conversation. Women don't like that. 

It's So Hard Being Cold

Hey,

So, I'm in Chicago, home of the 30 below temperatures. The weather, as told by Amy Freeze of Fox News, (enter obvious joke here), is going to be so cold that people are advised to stay indoors unless they absolutely must have to venture outside. With that in mind, what do you think my plans are? Yep, you guessed it, to go outside.

So, why am I venturing out into below zero temperatures, to face the "frozen tundra" and potentially risk frostbite on my person? Simple. I have a date with waffles. Specifically, some of my female friends and a plate of waffles. Fried chicken and extra maple syrup is optional. (But still great.) I don't know if I'll actually do the chicken since I have yet to eat meat in 2009, but we will see. One of my goals for 2009 was to lower the amount of meat I ate, if not cut it out altogether.

I guess I value time with my friends more than I do my fingertips, and maybe that's just dumb. Or, I just really love the taste and the smell of chicken and waffles. But I've got gloves, a hat and a good coat, so I guess that's the most important thing. Meanwhile, I hope and pray that those waffles keep me warm. 

Meanwhile, let me just say that I am not happy about Roland Burris becoming my Senator.I even wrote Durbin a letter in response to it, telling him that I refuse to even acknowledge that man as a Senator-elect. Granted, he has BIG shoes to fill, but still...the man is an idiot and just as big an egomaniac as Blago, if not more so. People hate Blago in Illinois, but any man who has a shrine to himself erected in a cemetery before his actual demise....yeah, no comment there. I just hope that the next two years fly by and someone worthy wins the seat in election. If Burris runs for it, I pray that Lisa Madigan (the person who I felt should have been appointed) runs and kicks his ass in the primary.

More blogs are coming, and I'm always looking for inspiration for more. So hit me up!

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

I Will Not Be Seeing Notorious

Hey,

If you haven't realized from reading the blogs that I've written so far, I'm a New York native. And unlike many of the posers, I am not from the suburbs, from some weird place near New York City, I am from there. I was born and raised (for a while) on the South Side Jamaica Queens, home of 50 Cent and a bunch of other of those jokers, as well as my favorite rapper NaS. So, anytime that anything New York related comes out towards Chicago, people I know ask me my opinion on it. So, there's this movie coming out about Biggie. After a nationwide search, they found an unknown actor to play him, and this actor (Jamal Woodard) said he went to Juillard to work with a vocal coach to get the voice of Biggie down. 

*Dead*

Even with the fascination I have for Biggie's life and learning more about him...

There's one reason and one reason only why I will not be going to see Notorious. 

Lil' Kim is not with it.

And as her fan, I gotta support her.

Say whatever you want, but I love Lil' Kim. She's my favorite female rapper, period. I'm not a fan of some of her ho-ish antics, but she is who she is. After meeting her and going to her concerts on more than one occasion during my summers in New York, I can say that her music is a perfect representation of her. She is who she is. Like her or not, she's gonna be that. If you like it, buy the cd... if not, go f**k yourself. That's her mantra, and as a confident woman, I love that! I've always been more of a Kim fan than a Big fan. I liked the stories that Big told in his songs, but I loved the passion and arrogance that Kim brought to hers. Even if the story was about some random sexual encounter, or even how some wanna be tried to holla, her delivery was bananas to me...and I had to get as much of her music as possible. When my mom found out I was listening to her, she made me give her all of my Kim cd's with the intent to throw them away, which made me so upset. Then, before she threw them away, I asked her to listen to my side and not just the words. When she realized that I wasn't taking the words as edicts for my own behavior, she let me have them. Happy day! LOL. I even had my mom listening to some of her stuff...and while she never really understood why "such a pretty girl just had to be so trashy", she allowed me to keep my Lil Kim music. 

I even dressed up as her in high school, for favorite celebrity day senior year, and I took my costume from this video. The song is called "No Matter What People Say" and my costume was just like her outfit at 2:39. It took me a week to make it, and I had a blonde wig dyed like hers. I even memorized the entire dance sequence and "performed" as I went about my business that day at school. 

We all know that Big and Kim had a relationship, and it was full of passion, determination and strength...possibly even more so than the relationship that Big had with Faith. And my girl does not like the movie, more specifically, the way she is portrayed in it. So, like her, I'll catch it on bootleg, on cable or if ever. 

*Thoughts?*

Ashley Robin

 

Living a Life that is Stress-Free

Hey,

For the first time in a long time, my life has been relatively stress-free. It's a weird feeling to not have any drama, conflict or issue going on. All of my MisAdventures are relatively easily solved. I ended my cycle relationship with my ex-boyfriend, and things between us have been excellent. We've always been close no matter what, and probably will continue to be.

Last night, a mutual friend of ours got engaged. We all knew he was going to propose, and he wanted to ask her to marry him in front of all his and her friends. So, we headed to dinner at this really nice place out in the Schaumburg area, and because we hadn't told this group of friends we had broken up, we decided to just wait until after Rodney proposed. We both agreed that this night was Rodney and Amber's night, and our news would just take away from it. Anyway, he picked me up and off we went, just talking about things. 

We got to the dinner, and did our best "couple" behavior with all of our coupled friends, sitting by each other, and even laughing and joking. When Rodney proposed, all of the men took the hands of their dates, and my ex took my hand, just like the rest of them. When all the women giggled and grinned at Amber's engagement ring, so did I. But even though the behavior matched, there was something missing. It was if by lying to them, we were lying to each other, and the longer the lie went on, the longer we both realized that it would end, and we would go back to being just two people. 

It's hard ending a long relationship like that, going from being a fixture in social settings to just going back to being regular folk. Rodney told my ex and I at the dinner that part of the reason that he proposed was because he had watched us together, and realized because of us, he realized he was in love with Amber and didn't want to spend a moment without her. I was more than happy to hear that, but also sad because we couldn't last. It's interesting, to mourn the loss of a relationship. Like an old friend, it changes just as you do, grows as you grow, and adapts with you. The other person in the relationship is just like you, learning, changing and growing...and it seems as if they should serve as your parallel. In the case of my past relationship, neither of us wanted to let it go. We decided to do what was best for the both of us, and it has worked out so far. Events like the engagement dinner however, serve as terrible reminders. Anyway, I made it through it, with no kind of awkwardness.

As far as the one who got away, that situation resolved itself rather nicely. However, I find that now there are others who are interested in me. Why is that as soon as I free myself from one situation, there seem to be others who are interested. However, if I'm not attached at all, there's no one around? It's almost as if there's some kind of signal that recently single or attached women give, like they just smell better to men or something. It makes no sense to me at all...I'm clueless about it. If I could get a man's opinion on it, I'd be able to know more. It's just one of those things that makes little to no sense in all the issues of the world. So frustrating.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*

Awkward Situations

Hey,

So everyone I know has that "one that got away". You know, the person who you wish more than anything you could get a re-do with, that one guy (or girl) who you know if you just had one more chance with, you'd end up with them, contentedly living out your happy ever after. I've loved a few men in my short 24 years on this planet, and I've loved them hard. I've been lied to, hurt, dragged through the mud, cheated on, etc...and I've grown to be strong and resilient despite all of that. But, I've never really had any regrets in my life as to how things have turned out with all the men I've dated, whether I loved them or not. I've never regretted the decisions I've made, the way in which those decisions were made, or even the drama that surrounded them, simply because it made me who I am today.

Except one.

Oddly enough, he wasn't the one who I thought it would be. No, not Mr. Wonderful (or the former Mr. Wonderful), but someone who has hardly been mentioned on this blog...if at all.Isn't that the way that things turn up, that you end up reflecting on the past and find that in your analyzing of the past that you think more of people who you might not have noticed in the beginning. Sigh, I'm rambling. Anyway, the one who got away, who I'll call Mr. Escape Artist, has re-inserted himself into my life. How ironic that those things happen, and now, of all times. Karma is something funny, I tell you. 

I'm not really sure what to expect, or even if my relationship could be as it was, or even if I want it to be. I just want to let him know that I've grown up, and I don't expect some sweeping emotional reunion. I don't even expect a do-over, but part of me just needs to tell him that I felt about him the way he felt about me, because the first time, I didn't. I'm not even sure why that is, why I have that need....but I do. I'll figure out the right time, and the right moment...and after I say it, I won't speak on it again.

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin* 

Friday Five: Five Lessons Learned in Jail

Hey,

Today's Friday Five is about the Five Lessons Learned in Jail.

{My cousin's husband was a guest of the Florida State Correctional Facility, and when he was released, I asked him if he had any stories of interest about jail. From them, these lessons are derived.}

There are few experiences in life that teach you about your nature, that are both embarrassing and humbling, that are funny and sad, dramatic and fretful while seemingly boring and unforgettable than jail. Getting arrested, however, is not cool.

There is nothing funny or exciting or thrilling about being arrested. I promise, to all the kids looking to toughen up their resumes, jail time isn't it. Get into a street fight and then run like hell when/if the cops show up. Don't ever get arrested.

5- Talk is Cheap

The Bottom Line is, running your mouth to people you don't know and pretending like you got picked up for murder when you simply were disturbing the peace, trespassing or even jaywalking. Even pretending to be a badass is not cool. People know that isn't who you are OR why you are doing your bid. Something in the eyes, the way you walk, your confidence, whatever...they KNOW. People also know people who surely know YOU. I'm sure you are familiar with that bit that the comics do, where they pretend they are the baddest mofo on the planet, and act crazy...it doesn't work. Truth is, everyone in jail, especially in a County facility, is crazy. So pretending to be ain't smart at all. Matter of fact...that sh*t is for the birds.

4- If You Do Talk, Prepare to Back It Up

If you talk about how many asses you can kick in jail, then be assured someone will try to test you. If you try to back down, then you'll get it. FOR REAL. And the guards ain't there to break up sh*t. They will sit and watch and laugh at you getting yo' ass beat, just because you said you were the baddest mofo on your block.

3- If Someone Asks For Your Biscuit, Eat It. Even If You Don't Want It.

In jail, food is synonymous with the social hierarchy. If you give up any food to anyone, that person becomes higher than you on the hierarchy, and you become their footstool. (or their b*tch) So, if you ain't hungry, don't willingly give that ish away. Let them 'hungry' mofos get it out the garbage. Peeing on it beforehand is optional.

2- Songs about Being a Convict Might be Funny, But ACTUALLY BEING a Convict Ain't No Joke, Kid.

Akon might sing somewhat funny songs about being Locked Up and how they "won't let him out", but actually BEING locked up is no laughing matter. Once those bars slam home, and you know that you can't freely roam around, go to look out your window if you want, or even take a late night stroll..it's real. You are no longer you, but a piece of property belonging to that correctional facility. The Smoking Gun says that Akon is no felon, so why would you want to be?

1- In Jail, Time takes on a Different Meaning.

When all you can do is wait on a certain amount of time, it takes ten times as long to arrive. It can take a lot of sanity to deal with it, and in doing so, many people form hobbies. Some carve chess pieces, (like in Shawshank Redemption), other people brutualize people (like in Shawshank Redemption) and other people work out and get super buff. Regardless of that, jail time is lonely, unforgiving and unforgettable.

In Jail, only Boggs will hear you scream...

SO STAY THE HELL OUT OF JAIL! 

Thoughts?

*Ashley Robin*