Irony: Let It Go and Let It Be

I know now that i've done some bad things, and I've done some good things. I've tried to live my life as people who were around but aren't anymore would want me to, to not hold anything back, to be as honest and supportive of a person I can be. I've done some bad things, like driving people I loved away from me, being a bit selfish. However, I'm convinced that I'm not a bad person. I'm bad at geometry, but not at other things, like friendship. I've been an explemary friend, even when it's meant befriending someone no one wanted to be friends with, defending them from being called names, and even losing some of my own status. Despite me going in my pocket to make sure that my friends had lunch, enough money to get home and even paying the way for pretty much everything, not to mention shuttling their ass around without EVER getting a dime in gas money...you know what happens? Can you guess? I get called fake, phony, backstabbing, skanky and god only knows what else.

Now, it makes me laugh, because like my ex says, it's done out of jealousy and envy, but at first I was hurt. I wasn't surprised because I saw it coming...I mean, when you see a friend suck someone else's ass so much that they lose their identity...that they glop onto a person whose view of the world is completely fucked and this person is known for their distaste of you...it's only a matter of time before the second party becomes a mouthpiece for the first.

Regardless of all that, me being the good person I am, I try to extend an olive branch to basically try to understand why exactly this happened, and if I really did anything to merit such bad-mouthing. I get nothing in return, except some more jibber jabber. Talking to my ex and my hairdresser about it at the salon got the comment that 'psycho jealous little girls can't be reasoned with'.

So, to them I say, "If you have beef, come to my crib and say it to my face and take your ass whipping. Otherwise, leave me the hell alone, leave my name out your mouth and don't even spend time thinking about me."

Sigh...now that's done, I can say let go and let be. I won't speak on it anymore, and won't think of it anymore after this moment. Got bigger fish to fry so I'm going dancing.

Ashley Robin