My Mortal Mother

love my mother to all death. For years, I've seen her as the picture of health. She's always been healthy, never anything major, except the yearly bout with bronchitis, and that one time where she had walking pneumonia like I did....but, other than that, she rarely has anything worse than a headache. So, when we went to the dermatology clinic about this mild rash I got on my forehead from a reaction to something used in a facial (weird, right?) my mom started asking questions about getting a few moles around her neck removed. She's had these moles since forever. I named them all as a kid and used to actually like the feeling of them touching me as I would snuggle my face into the fold of her neck. Not because I'm weird, but because if I closed my eyes, I'd feel those moles and know it was her. Kinda like a blind taste test, those moles helped me identify her.

Anyway, the doctor looks at one mole and instead of trying to remove it, says she needs a biopsy. Well, I've been down that road before, we all know what a biopsy is...he basically says he's afraid it might be cancerous. I look at my mom, and I start freaking..."Mom's got cancer? What? Are you shitting me? Seriously?" and getting upset. I'm thinking that sometimes she gets on my last nerve, sometimes I want to shake her, sometimes I wish she'd leave me alone and quit meddling in my life, sometimes I want to get away from her, sometimes she annoys the hell out of me but I don't want her to have cancer. I don't think I could take it, and I don't want her to deal with any pain, especially none that I can't take from her. She's my mom.

So the doctor does the biopsy, and we get told we'll know the results in a week. We head back today, (A week later) and get told she does have a precancerous condition, that if untreated could become a form of skin cancer. I FREAK....big time. Mom's not supposed to be ill, she's supposed to protect me, keep me safe and watch over my grandbabies...and what if she's not around to see them? What if this takes her from me? I can't do life without her..and I start crying, getting blubbery and she starts crying because I'm crying...when really....all in all...she doesn't have cancer. Sigh. We never laughed so hard, and honestly, I've never felt closer to her. But, I've never been that scared.

I'm relieved. Relieved big time. Mom, don't die, ever. Or else, I'll kill you.

A Loving Daughter